I drove in last night (ok, this morning at about 4) from our new house where I had been working on stuff for the last 4 or 5 days. I couldn't wait to get back to my comfy bed. So, engage coffee (some awful stuff from a 24 hour gas station) and I was on my way. Somehow, I am going to have to switch my brain back into study mode as I have Calculus and History to catch up on!! I was going to take a practice MCAT sponsored by a univ about 30 miles away, but I really don't feel that I am ANYWHERE near ready to even approach the room. So, I think I am going to just go pick the exam and return it for scoring. (This is a really wonderful opportunity that that univ's Pre-Med Society offers!) Perhaps that is a foolish move...but I don't think I am in the frame of mind to sit for it. If I were taking it for real in the next few months, I would feel differently. It is funny though, I feel somewhat "guilty" about not going. I have not let myself get away with anything. I have probably been hard on myself to horrible fault. People have told me recently that I need to relax and not beat myself up about every little thing. I know it's true, but I feel that I have one shot. This is it. There is no screwing up. NONE. I never thought that I could actually get in to med school, much less succeed. Now, I see things very differently. Unfortunately, I am older now. One shot. That's it. I will not stop until that shot is a success, but nonetheless it is one shot. When I was single, it was just my life I was playing with...now it is my husband's as well. I feel like some much more is riding on my actions. We want to start a family next...I'll still be finishing my post-bac pre-reqs so it isn't as big of a deal as if I were already in med school. One life. That's all we have on this planet. I'm not going down without a fight. But, before I think about going anywhere I have Calc and History to do!
Over and out my friend.
No comments:
Post a Comment