Sunday, August 27, 2006

Great Day!



(I will post video links as soon as I am able.)
Thank God!

Friday, August 25, 2006

School's in session.

I began classes yesterday. I am thrilled with my Human Bio and my Nutrition profs. Nutrition is going to be a lot more difficult than I anticipated. It is being taught by a woman with a Ph.D. in Pathology and is heavily biology based. Ok, so it's not going to be the easy A that I thought... Darn! But, it is still a Bio and will be included in my BCPM GPA so I am happy about that. Thankfully, my Human Bio prof doesn't require the accompanying lab. I looked at the syllabus and this one credit course has a quiz every week. I am not too stoked about that. It is not going to help me as I decided to drop. I would love to take it just for my own enjoyment, but my schedule is a bit heavier than expected, so I don't want to blow it my first semester back as a FT student.

Today, I was scheduled for only my math class. I am retaking College Algebra because it will replace my grade with AACOMAS. I walked into the class, sat down in the front row (I know, super-geek) and the instructor proceeded to call out the roster. Um, no Dr. Underdog and 4 of her fellow students! So, it was off to the math lab to find out what the heck was going on. To make a long story short, for the last few months, I have been receiving emails about how the class had been overscheduled and how they were going to move students around. However, the last 2 emails that I received said that everything was back to normal and my original section was the one that I should report to...which I did. But, I was not enrolled in that class. Apparently, I had been moved to a section down the hall. So, when another student and I walked in 20 minutes late after finding this out, the prof got mad. Not only that, he handed us and test and said something with such a thick accent that I still don't know what it was. My husband may be fluent in Russian, but I am not. The entire time I was in there, I had no idea what the man was saying. So, I went to go make my case back in the Math Lab for another section. Long story almost over...I am now in a prof's class that comes very highly rated and begin Tuesday. It will now take up the time slot originally occupied by my Human Bio lab (which I dropped) and I now have Fridays off!! YES! I am anxious to find out what my Chem prof is like. I am not willing to blow this because a prof is off in la-la land and I fail to do anything about it, which is a lot of what happened last time. Things are going to be different. I am going to do my best and that includes giving myself every advantage by not being lazy and accepting whatever comes my way. Some things we have no control over...I am cool with that. Things like this that can make a HUGE difference can be changed. I am happy about the change.

Anyway, I am outta here for now. Hopefully, Animal Control will be by shortly to take care of this horrible dog situation we have going. Our neighbor's puppy died of parvo and wanted to borrow a shovel. Hubby told him no because we also have 2 dogs and didn't want them to get sick. So, the guy just decided to dump the dog in the city supplied trashcan which was not his. If you don't call and order one (and as far as I know - pay for it) don't get it. He put the dog in our neighbor's can who is not home. I called Animal Control. This morning, I walked out to my car and knew something was decomposing. When I got to the car in the alley, I was really afraid that I was going to find a dead body. I guess I wasn't so far off. But, this was still in his yard. His dogs (pit bulls) get out all the time and run all over the place..including into our yard to deficate. This is disgusting. The trash was picked up this morning and won't be collected again for a week. Can you imagine the smell in a week? Regardless of the smell, I think it is a horribly sad thing to do to an animal. I can understand that the guy couldn't afford to have his dog treated...I am not holding that against him, but the rest is just inconsiderate and unhealthy. There are many dogs around...including our 2. Thankfully, ours have been vaccinated, but it nonetheless makes me a little scared. The dog that we housed overnight was a yardmate of the parvo dog. God, I pray that she didn't bring anything into our yard.

Our dogs are not exhibiting any symptoms even 2-3 weeks out so I am optimistic. But, ugh. I am hacked.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Video Released

Someone has claimed responsibility for the kidnapping of Steve Centanni and Olaf Wiig. Here is the released video.

I pray that this is brought to a peaceful end, soon.

I can't imagine what my former colleagues in Washington must be going through right now. I am ripped up about this and I'm so far removed from the situation now. I must say that I am disgusted with the tiny bit of coverage that even FNC has given to the horrible event. Whose order was that? John Moody? Kim Hume? Brit? Sick. We know that there will be no negotiation for their release, despite the demands. This has already been an unprecedented capture and holding for the area. So I pray that it ends the way that the others have. I also must say that in an industry where hitting the air first is the goal, Fox couldn't even do it with THIS story. CNN beat them. The people at FNC may care for the two men, but the organization is doing some serious sucking in their expression of it.

Oh, and if you think that I am buying that whole "They are being treated well thing"...just look at Steve's mannerisms...are those what you would expect from a seasoned journalist accustomed to being in violent areas?

Monday, August 21, 2006

Monday Check In

Thankfully, the last couple of days have not been filled with flashbacks. Unfortunately, the med that was increased is doing funny things to me. Of course, it may just be stress. I went out tonight by myself...for just a little me time. Hubby and I spend an insane amount of time together. We literally have spent more time together in the 5 years that we have been married than many couples spend in together in a lifetime of marriage. It is nice and we are very lucky, but sometimes a little "me time" isn't a bad idea. So, I jumped in the car and went driving. I stopped and filled up with gas and got some dinner at Chick-fil-A. Then, I dropped in on a couple of stores. Nothing spectacular, however I did buy some really cute placemats and matching cloth napkins at Pier 1 -- and they were on sale!! All in all, it was a productive outing. I also stopped by Walgreens on the way home to get a eye glasses tool kit thing. I ordered a new watchband and I needed the little screwdriver to remove the old one. It is good to have one of those though...especially if you wear glasses. I freaked when my nose pad fell off last time. I had to find a LensCrafters to have it replaced. So, after I replaced the band, I gave the screws in my glasses a quick turn.

I bought my Human Bio book today! Now, I am all booked up. I just need to locate my spiffy graphing calculator. I know it is here, it is just a matter of where. I bought it in March when I was being tutored in Calc and Physics. I know that it made it through the move; I just need to make sure it gets into my backpack.

I think I am going to end here. Things are not what I would call "good" but they are not what they were on Friday either.

God Bless Y'all!

Friday, August 18, 2006

My dirty little secret.

Today was a very difficult day for follow up a difficult day yesterday. I have not discussed this in this forum because it is intensely private and quite painful. But, I have reached a point in my experience at which I can no longer be silent. I don't know if right now is the best time to write an emotionally charged entry, but I don't have any more to give. I can't go on like this. I feel like people don't know meaning they don't understand what kind of impact an event like this has on those who live it. I just realized that I have not yet said what "the event" is. I was sexually molested. For 2 years. It was horrible. I was young. I was confused. I blamed myself. I knew it happened, but put it in the past and barreled through. Now, it won't let me. I spend my days crying and shaking. When I am not, I am trying to recuperate from what has just transpired. I am literally trying to catch my breath. Sexual abuse of any kind, but especially that of a child, is inexcusable. I tried to forgive. I even thought I had. Despite my father telling me that "he wasn't sure it actually happened," my mother "forgetting" despite my confiding in her and she and my grandmother confronting my grandfather in front of me and my sister STILL saying she doesn't know what to believe...I moved on. I blamed myself. It isn't my blame to take. It is no victim's blame to take. But, I believe that there are far too many of us out there who do. I am one of the "lucky" ones; I have a wonderful psychiatrist who is incredibly sensitive to what I am saying. I have not begun to talk about it in depth until recently. If you know someone who has survived this type of abuse or if you don' will. It is important that you understand. I believe it is important that we understand each other the best way we are able. Please allow me to share what I have learned as a "survivor." I have never referred to myself as that before, partially because I am not sure that I have survived it yet. While I will give vague facts about what occurred, the entire story has never been told. Perhaps because I don't think I am willing to admit the whole story and the emotions keep changing... and emotions, my friend, are a significant part of the story. My molestation came at the hand of my paternal grandfather. It happened for 2 years, every weekend when I would visit. My grandmother was my best friend and they lived a short couple of hours away, so my parents would meet them halfway to "hand us over." I loved her. They did not have what I would call an openly affectionate marriage. They slept in 2 large beds that were pushed together to create one gigantic one that doesn't even have a size label. I would end up on my grandfather's side of the bed. While he was "asleep" things would happen. I recall opening my eyes one time and looking at my grandmother who was really asleep at a distance that seemed so far. After 2 years of this happening, and numerous lessons in "if someone touches you...." I told my mom in the kitchen of my grandparents' house. My initial feeling was that it couldn't be wrong, he was my grandfather for goodness sake! But, eventually I told. She immediately told my grandmother and they confronted him in front of me. When he denied it, they were satisfied. Why? I don't know. Why would I lie about something like that? Somehow, it never happened again. Asleep? I guess not. I always knew it had happened, but chose to move on with my life. It was an embarrassing issue and one that they now thought that I had fabricated. In 1991, I had been having nightmares involving him and one night in March my eyes shot from slumber and my body began to shake. I could not get the image nor the feeling out of my mind nor off of my body.
(I will skip much here in the interest of brevity, but suffice it to say that my parents were not what one would hope or even have the lowest expectations of them being.)
I have always fought the feelings. Every time I touched someone, I always worried that I was doing something wrong. I am not talking about an intimate touch, I am talking about a casual one. It is horrible. Somehow, I have been able to date and find a wonderful man with whom I now share my life. We have been married for 5 years. He knew that I had been molested before we married. I don't think he knew how hard it would be. Things have become a lot more difficult and I was recently diagnosed with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder for those that aren't familiar). I am now suffering debilitating flashbacks and my doctor wants to put me on some anti-psychotic used to treat flashbacks due to PTSD in war veterans. I will not go on it. I do not want any new medication in my body...especially with school beginning in less than a week. She complied, barely satisfied when I agreed to increase my dosage of a medication that I am currently taking. Unfortunately, this medication is a huge reason why I can not get pregnant at this time. Of course, it really doesn't matter when I can't keep from crying when my husband touches me. I really can't handle anyone touching me right now. I told my doc yesterday that I would freak out if she touched me (on the arm or whatever) and I was serious. I don't think she realized how bad it had become until I had a flashback in her office and vomited. I have barreled through, trying to forget and not let it get in my way. But, now it is catching up with me. The horrible man that did this to me, not only hurt me but is now indirectly hurting my husband. While other women I know are getting pregnant and having children, I am fighting the clock and the fear of touch.

If you know someone who has endured sexual abuse, please realize that it didn't end when the abuse stopped. They relive it when they are least prepared to do so. Please do not dismiss it because you are uncomfortable with the topic or don't know what to say. We need you. Our intent is not to make you feel uncomfortable or upset you, but to have someone listen to us and prove that we matter. We didn't matter to our abuser. Those feelings are hard to live with when we relive the agony or the act in our mind. We can't change the past. It is what it is. Please help us make the future positive. Give us the opportunity to share. We need to. We may not be able to tell you everything that happened, my mouth still cannot form the words and my mind can't hold a thought so disturbing in an effort to express it. I am thankful that there are organizations like RAINN ( I have not use their services, but I am thankful for the necessary attention that they bring to the issue.

Gosh, I want to understand you...please try to understand me. I hurt. We hurt.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Steve Centanni

I know that I have already posted today, but something has been going on that is troubling me. A little (very little) backstory on me...I used to work for Fox News Channel in Washington, DC. While I was there, I met many people...for this purpose I am referring to my fellow employees. One of whom was Steve Centanni. Steve shared an office with a dear friend of mine ... Kelly Wright ... and I often looked at the collection of humorous momentos or press creditials to impressive events that hung on the bulletin board and wall next to his desk. Centanni and his cameraman were kidnapped in Gaza on Tuesday. I literally screamed when I found out it was someone that I knew. I know that journalists "volunteer" (so to speak) to be there and we say the same for soldiers, but that does not make death or peril any less tragic or dimish the fear. As of this writing, no one has taken responsibilty for the kidnappings nor made any demands in exchange for their release. This is unusual when all other American abductions were successfully ended within a matter of hours. May we always keep those in harm's way in our thoughts and prayers.

This, that and the other

It has been a couple of days since I last posted. I volunteered on Monday, which was exhausting but no less fulfilling. I will volunteer again tomorrow...unless I call in because I really want one of my last days before school to be free days with hubby. I may do that. There is a patient on the burn unit that I would like to be involved with, but I am just too wiped and selfish with my remaining hours of freedom right now. Classes begin next Thursday and I wasn't brilliant enough to plan far enough in advance to schedule a follow up eye appointment at JHU. With us now living farther away from Baltimore, it is more than a one day quick trip. I can be, I suppose, but it would be a miserable day. So, hopefully, we will go the night before and stay so that we only have one way to drive the following day.

This morning, I was a horrible doggy mom. While cutting a knot out of the fur underneath the big dog's ear (a task that she trusts me to do), I chopped into her ear. Oh my. It was so sad. She was bleeding and I felt horrible. It looked like a relatively bad cut b/c it was on the edge and therefore the skin split apart quite dramatically. But, we stopped the bleeding, put some rubbing alcohol on it and applied treats to is good. For a second there, I thought that we may actually have to make a trip to the vet for a suture or two. This was troubling b/c we don't even know where to go. We haven't established a relationship with a new vet since the move. Anyway, big puppy is lying here in bed next to me and things are ok.

I got a lot done yesterday, including buying my books. Ok, I officially feel REALLY old. It wasn't just the 18 year old teeny boppers carrying boxes into the dorms, but even the supplies for class! I handed my schedule to the "woman" behind the counter and she returned with a stack of books and a box containing a little remote control looking thing. Apparently, this is for taking quizzes in class...or something. My chem prof is requiring it. I feel so old. Not to mention, I am completely out of shape. A fat, old woman...not too pretty for beginning school with a bunch of teenagers! That's ok, I used to gravitate to the old people in my class. They weren't idiots. They were serious. Not to mention, they had resources to make a project go well. I remember one project in one of my Health Admin classes. One of my group members was Debra, a very nice and easy going woman with discipline. She also worked for a well known hospital near my univ. So, while the other groups were putting together their H.A. projects in dorm rooms, we were in the radiology department of a Texas hospital getting exposure and input from other employees. I'm not stupid. ;) Don't misunderstand me, she was a very nice woman who I had befriended prior to the project.

Well, today I need to call the parking office and change the tag number of one of my cars that I listed for my parking permit. I really should look at the plate before I start typing...but NOOOO! Click, click, click, tap, tap, tap and I entered the wrong info. At least I got the make and model of the car correct , not to mention half of the plate. But, if I know anything, those rent-a-cops will nail you for anything. So, I best be changin' it.

I have decide to remain in my College Algebra class even though I have already taken it. Why? I got a C in it last time (a million years ago) and DO schools/AACOMAS will replace the grade with the higher one. So, provided I can pull something higher than a pitiful will be good. If I can't, I better give up this whole idea of med school. Now God, PLEASE let me get a prof who doesn't refer to himself in the third person and tell people how stupid they are. Oh yes, good times.

Ok my reading public...all 5 of you...HA! I am gonna close here.

Hopefully, I will update again soon.

Hasta luego.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Ms. P

I didn't recount my volunteer day on Thursday, so I thought I would before I returned for what promises to be a full day tomorrow.

On Thursday, I was planning to stay only until noon...b/c there was a ton or work to be done at home before the party on Saturday. We began the day with a call re: a pt who was losing her hair and wanted to talk to someone form the wig salon. Donna and I went up there and met a wonderful woman in Stage 4 with the sweetest demeanor and wonderful attitude. It was hard to believe that she had been through all that we knew that she had. But, this was her second time with cancer and she knew what to expect. We talked for a while and she decided to have the remainder of her hair shaved off to put a halt to the shedding. We talked to her in depth about what she was looking for in a wig and then went back downstairs. After spending an hour or so talking to these people, you have some idea about their personality. We chose 4 wigs, packed the clippers and other necessary items and headed back up to her room on the 6th floor. Ms. P was waiting for us. Not holding a cosmetology license (and having no desire to secure one) I am not allowed to cut hair nor wigs and that includes shaving. So, Donna takes care of all of that. Ms. P and I were talking while Donna was shaving and it was obvious that she was becoming was I. I, thankfully, did not allow my emotions to show through, but sat down in the chair next her. Never having gone through it myself, I don't know how I would react to having my hair removed for such a reason. Truth be told, it startled me a bit. I am frankly surprised at how significant our hair is to our identity. This beautiful woman seemed to lose a bit of her gender identity as her hair fell to the floor. That was shocking to me. I have heard how cadavers are sometimes difficult to identify as a man or woman because of their lack of hair, but this being my initial experience with a situation such as this one, I was nonetheless surprised.

After the last of her hair had tumbled to the floor, we began pulling out wigs for her to try. She ended up choosing an adorable one that really looked quite nice on her. We laughed heartily as she told us the story of her last wig (from her first experience with cancer 12 years ago). Apparently, she had used regular hairspray on it (not designed for synthetic hair) and taken a curling iron to the wig as well. To say the least, it was in horrible condition afterward. I cracked a joke by using my "serious" voice and saying "On behalf of your new wig, I beseech you to..."and continued to list things not to do...especially things that she had already done. She was roaring. I was thrilled. She reached her hands out to us as we left and Donna and I each took one. It was a moment. We had spoken of God and her church and the people and activities she was looking forward to getting back to. Donna and I, both God fearing women, said we would be praying for her. She was appreciative. I had wanted to go back and visit before she left, but that was my last day before Monday's return and she is leaving today. I was sorry that this weekend was to be so busy and hope that she will call downstairs to the salon if she returns for treatment. (She lives in another state.) She was not certain of her diagnosis...either Non-Hodgkins or Hodgkins, either way it is a Lymphoma in stage 4. I do hope that she continues to have the attitude and spiritual life that she has enjoyed. She and her diagnosis do not match, but I guess I will be reminded of that a lot.

After leaving the room, while we were in the stairwell, Donna and I discussed how she seemed to become more emotional at times. Donna said that she could identify those times by the way her scalp tensed up and then I would sit down beside Ms. P...and it loosened again. I felt like a had made a difference and that was a wonderful feeling.

Saturday, August 12, 2006


The party is over! It was fun, not everyone came...and we had wayyyyyy too much food. But, luckily, a neighbor who was here (and is the king of impromptu cookouts) called a cookout for tomorrow evening at 5. Simple solution? We are taking all the food!! That way, no one has to make anything and the food doesn't go to waste! Some of our friends drove 100 miles to get here and due to some really bad took some 4 HOURS! Others just turned back. I don't blame them. I was so touched that someone would drive so long to be here for a few hours with us. But, I was really disappointed in those people who didn't call. They just didn't show up! Unfortunately, those people were quite abundant today. They accounted for 19...including kids. We had about 20. I was prepared for everyone. Oh well, that is the way it goes. We are wiped out and church is tomorrow morning.

I am too wiped to type any more.

Night all!

Friday, August 11, 2006


I thought that my ability to handle stress had improved but apparently I was wrong. Maybe it's the meds. Hopefully, things are just so screwed up still in my head that the slightest little thing is throwing everything out of whack. But, I would like to know why - with 24 hours before this thing - my husband has opted to sweep the basement when there is a gigantic mess in the rest of the know the part that people will actually SEE?????

I guess a better question is why the heck am I bitching about this on my blog while he is working?

Stupid me.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Randomness @ its best

Wow, this week is going by too fast. I one of my 2 volunteer days this week on Tuesday. I was in the wig salon..which is where I will be from now on..well...for a while..I think. Ok, so how's that for specificity? I don't know if I wrote about this or not and I don't want to surf away form this page right now to find out. If not, I will post an email that I wrote to a friend of mine explaining how it went. Saturday is the long awaited party. Well, not so long awaited really....and I could use a lot more time. But, if we wait until the house is complete, I will be well past residency and nearly retired. So, Saturday it is. Frankly, I am surprised at how many people are supposedly coming. Looks like well over 30. Many of them are driving 2 hours each way. Maybe we were liked more than was expressed for the past 5 years. Anyway, I am really looking forward to it, but Tuesday was gone to the Cancer Center and tomorrow morning is theirs as well. Don't get me wrong. I love being there, but this week is a little tight. I did bug out for tomorrow afternoon to give us more time to work around here though.

I am not a good hostess. I stress myself out way too much. We don't entertain much. But, when we do I am a wreck. I buy way too much food and freak out that everything won't be perfect. There will be kids at this one, so hubby and I went and bought some coloring books, bubbles and other toys to entertain them.

I don't even want to think about this thing right now. Going to go get in bed. The day began early with a knock on the door from the electrician while I was still in my PJs. Thankfully, the electrical stuff is finally done! It is so nice to see light fixtures hangin from the ceiling that we have only looked at in the box! Such a feeling of accomplishment. Another feeling of accomplishment...completing this blog entry.

'Night all.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Life is facing in the right direction

While I am not yet back to 100%, I believe that things are at least facing in the right direction. We are having a party this weekend and have been working very hard to get things accomplished in preparation for that. We checked the forecast and, as of right now, it looks to be the best day in quite a while! Yeah!!! I called to change my program to the formal "Post-Baccalaureate Health Sciences Certification Program" and need to take some paperwork over to the admissions office. I am excited about this change and hope that it affords me more opportunities than the informal track would have.

This is so hilarious....a fire engine is roaring by... We live near a road where a fair number of emergency vehicles travel...with lights and sirens. The dogs in the neighborhood freak out with their howling and barking. Ours? Nope. Too lazy. The big one is asleep on the bed and heard the ruckus, picked her head up as if to say "WTF?" and plopped it back down into restful slumber. Pretty funny stuff. I think later today I am going to go to Wal-Mart. I am not crazy about Wal-Mart for a variety of reasons, but there are some things that Target just doesn't carry. Usually, they are tacky things that a person really should not spend money on...which is exactly what I am looking for right now. HA!

This week is shaping up to be a productive one. I will (hopefully) have the baseboards in the kitchen back reinstalled before sleeping tonight, a ton of weeding was done by hubby today, we treated and added about 50 gallons of H2O to the fish pond and will begin the algae treatment probably tonight, an electrician is coming on Wednesday to install light fixtures, outlets and switches and the piano tuner will be here Thursday at 1pm to get the piano in shape for people to play this weekend. We have several musicians coming over on Saturday so it will be nice to know that the instrument is in playable condition. :)

I am going to wrap up here, but in the words of Robert Frost, "I have miles to go before I sleep, I have miles to go before I sleep."

Peace out peeps!

I totally overdid it in the heat today...again. Not as badly as last time, but I feel all goofy and stuff. Hopefully, I will feel better by morning so that I can keep to my volunteer schedule. Not to mention, I have a ton to do the rest of the week. Anyway, much was accomplished today and I found out that a neighbor that we have not gotten to know (pretty much at all) will be at the party on Saturday. I am so excited! She and her husband have a 3 y.o. son and she seems to be someone that I could get along with very well. Yeah! Making friends!! Cool! Just in time to not have any time at all. ;)

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Bad day.

Today is not a good day for me. In fact, I would classify it as awful. Not that anything significant has happened, I just feel terrible. I don't know that I am capable of being any more descriptive than that. I am angry to point where it hurts and I don't know why I am angry. I am depressed, I am...heck I just don't really care about discussing it. I have had bad days in my life...we all have. The feeling associated with this one ranks up there pretty high.

Anyway, I have discovered a program (a formal post-bacc) that I was previously unaware of. That is not true, I was aware of it, but thought the requirements were beyond what I have. So, I called the director and asked him about it. He said that where I am is just fine and to call this other person over in admissions to get her change me over into this program. Ok, great. But, that was Friday and I was unable to talk to her before the weekend? Why? Because I was sitting in a chair getting one of the worst haircuts of my life. I am not only feeling horrible, but I look like a moron. Great. Not to mention, a lost dog showed up on our front porch yesterday and we were unable to find the owners before nightfall. So, the sucker that I am insisted that we keep the dog safe in our back yard until the owner was found. Great. What we have found out from the single tag that graces her collar is that it is likely that she became lost when her owner visited the nearby river, perhaps for hiking, biking or kayaking. The dog is incredibly sweet, gentle and well behaved...certainly better behaved than our 2. But, we have a party next weekend that will take place largely in the back. This dog can not be here!! We have to wait until Monday to call the county office where the tag is from (which is a good 2 hours from here) to try to track down a name and phone number. Then, get these people here to pick up their friggin' dog. I don't want to put the dog out on the street. I can't do that. And, if she has an owner (which it appears that she does) I don't want to drop her off with the SPCA either. So, for now, she will remain fed and watered in our back yard.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

If I could come up with a title, maybe I would know what I am thinking...

When I was younger, I always said I wanted to become a pediatric oncologist. I soon learned that peds is not so much about kids as it is about the parents. I no longer want to have anything to do with a pediatric specialty. LOL. I had a full day of volunteering at XYZCC. What I may not have explained is that XYZCC is part of a large hospital. I don't know if that is necessarily pertinent, but there is the info if you need it in the future. Today, I spent my time in the wig salon. I will be one of the peeps in there as well. What people don't know about this tiny room in the winding halls of XYZCC is that it is a place where any woman undergoing treatment for cancer (regardless of where she is treated in the metro area) can receive a free wig...or cranial prosthesis (whichever you chose to call it). We have hats for men, but no toupes. Furthermore, there is a selection of women's hats and scarves. Patients find out about this tiny room that can house many emotions in a variety of different ways.

Today, I went on rounds of a few floors. I met one particular patient who I look forward to following from a psychological perspective. She is awesome. I walked into her room with my junior counterpart and from the get-go it was non-stop laughter. Ms. M is newly diagnosed. I do not know what type of cancer she has, but as she put it "I came in for a quick bone scan and I stayed." Tonight she was supposedly having her hair cut before she begins chemo next week. Her laughter was infectious and her spirit was inviting. Next week, we have the first formal consultation with her to choose her wig. She was especially interested in how to apply false eyelashes without looking like 2 spiders had taken a traumatic adventure into her upper face. I pray that she keeps her attitude as it is today throughout this journey, but the reality is that life is going to become more difficult for her than many or even most of us have ever known.

I am sorry, I have been derailed. Someone that I care very much about is very ill. Disease stinks. I hope to make a difference one day in a profound way. For now, let's keep in mind those who are suffering in mind, body and/or spirit tonight. As I easily go on in my life, battling whatever issues I may encounter, it is so easy to become self-centered forgetting the pain that is ever-present in the lives of so many. None of this is an original thought...just one that we need to keep in mind a lot more often.

As I sit in my comfortable, middle class house with the thermostat maintaining a brisk 72F, how many people died from the heat today? How many walked outside this morning to make a living and didn't come home tonight? I am so grateful. How many patients that I saw today will not be alive tomorrow morning? I pray that when I enter those rooms, I do so with the respect that each life deserves. I pray that I treat the patients who are not aware of my presence with the same respect that I treat those who are. Always.

Tonight has been rough. I am going to close here.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Look Ma, No Glass!

Today was HOT! I mean, uber-hot. The heat index actually hit 117F! Needless to say, I didn't go out much today. Watered the plants and went out to dinner because the thought of eating meat (I had planned to cook for dinner) was just too hot. Ugh. So, we went for salad...and soup...which I brought home and put in the fridge. I am having 'puter issues and burning a CD from iTunes can't seem to be done. I really need to back some data before this thing goes belly up. It is only a year old, but I don't have much confidence in its longevity at the moment. Tomorrow is my long day volunteering at XYZCC. I am looking forward to it, but not to the heat. I have no idea what I will be doing tomorrow. I could live without doing the cart...that makes me sweat. The building is not exactly 50 below, so activity makes me sweat. My glasses end up sliding down on my face so I look completely disheveled. I did find that I sweat less when I was wearing running shoes rather than loafers. Thankfully, I am pretty well stocked with Nike Shox, so tomorrow it will be a light pink blouse, khaki slacks (capri or long, I have not decided), and pink Shox. That way, if the cart is in my future...I will be prepared. Today was not a real good day around here if you are an antique piece of Asian art. My hubby was vacuuming (which I appreciate) and, though he saw a potential disaster, failed to reposition the cord. CRASH! Down goes a 4 foot piece of 18th century oil painting on silk. I had worked so hard to delicately clean this piece before having it framed. Not to mention, the framing itself cost $400! We were going to hang it in the foyer. I am not exactly happy with the situation. Especially because to replace the glass (which involves removing it from the custom frame and then reframing) would easily cost $200+ . Hubby's suggestion? "Can't we just hang it without the glass?" IT IS 300 YEARS OLD! Come on! We can...if you want to watch it disintegrate.

I really should stop whining. The man is wonderful. He never gets mad when I do stupid things, which is way too often. So, I really should cut him a break.

I will report on the day tomorrow. Have a great one all!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

It's, um, Tuesday

Ok, I believe in global warming. Yes, I drive an SUV, but I also drive a 2 seater and a 4 door Accord. I try to drive the SUV as little as possible, but I know that I contribute to the depletion of the o-zone layer. After hubby wrecked the Honda CR-V in May, we looked at hybrids. I was doing well to get him to spend what he did...the hybrid was several $1000 more. My point, it is hot! The forecast is calling for highs in the triple digits today with a heat index of 112. Oh my. Thank you hybrid drivers of the could be worse.

We took the SUV yesterday because we were going to go shopping before an appointment that I had where we used to live. We bought a couple of pieces of furniture (like we need any more furniture) and a bunch of other stuff. They are very functional pieces and nothing over the top. But, we are wanting to GIVE AWAY furniture it does sound crazy to be purchasing more. They are pieces that we needed, believe it or not. In this weather, the last thing that I wanted to do when we got home last night at 11 was unload stuff from the car. Hopefully, we will get to put them in place sometime today. But, that requires more unpacking.

I posted an ad for free boxes on our neighborhood egroups site. Hopefully, someone will get in touch with us saying they are in desperate need of boxes and will come right over. More importantly, hopefully they actually will come and get them. Ok, that was random, but it made total sense in my head.

I am sure I will update this post later, but for now...I am outta here!

Time Lapse...Edit:
I am being a total slug today. How pathetic. Let's see, what do I want to accomplish today?
- paint lower half of bathroom
- unpack boxes in master sunroom
- paint cabinets in master bathroom

There is far more available for completion. But, I am just sitting here thinking about what kinds of plants I can plant in the fall. It is way too hot to go out and work in the yard or sand and paint kitchen cabinet doors today. But, I am lying here watching reruns of Judging Amy." Hum. This is not a good sign. Three more weeks and I will have no choice but to sink or swim. I certainly hope I snap out of this funk by the time classes begin.

I begin reading a new book. "Becoming a Doctor" by Melvin Konner, MD. I have had this book for years, but I never read it. I didn't realize when I bought it that he was a non-trad as well. This adds a whole new dimension to the story. One that interests me tremendously.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have a lot on my mind right now. It appears that I am losing a battle that I have been fighting for a long time. The losing (so to speak) of this battle would not be the end of the world, but it would certainly affect more than just myself...significantly. I have a very positive person "in the know" in my life and she seems to refuse to think the battle is lost. But, there is certainly a tone in her voice that seems to say "you have such a small chance to win, but I can't bear to tell you that." I know the truth. I am in touch with reality. I almost feel worse for her than I do for myself.

Sorry for the cryptic nature of this edit, but I just don't know if this is the place to reveal something like this.

Oh well.