Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Loooooong Weekend!

With every passing day, I am amazed at the stress I will endure in pursuit of medicine. I may just have an easy life, but I have never pushed myself so hard on a constant basis. I have been more successful a things without trying as hard. Sports for one. I always acted like I put in the extra effort, but in reality it was a joke. I loved it and I had natural ability. I don't have a lot of natural ability when it comes to school and none of it comes easily. Consequently, everything requires extra effort.

I had 3 exams yesterday and 2 major assignments due at midnight. The day flew by. I was too busy rushing from one exam to the other that I didn't have time to be stressed nor realize my anxiety. When the day was over, I just smiled. The exams had gone well...we will find out just how well next week and I felt good. I hit a wall when it came to the assignments though. One was completely on material that had been taught last week and I, of course, was sick all week. So, I took a big hit on that grade. But, my homework average is somewhere around 97-98% so I am not too concerned. Thankfully, the other assignment was extended until Friday at 11pm. I don't think I will know how to complete it anymore by then than I did last night, so I am just trying to put it out of my mind for now. There is a ton of studying that I need to get done in the next couple of weeks. Finals begin the 9th of Dec. So...we'll see if I can maintain my good grades and pull up those that aren't so hot. Either way, I am proud of the effort I have put forth this semester. I hope to outdo myself next semester.

BTW...the title...we are out for Thanksgiving.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Back in the Swing...sort of

I am back in the swing of things...somewhat. I am studying and retaining which hasn't been accomplished in days. So, I have a lot to make up for. Human Bio down. Next up will be Nutrition. I don't have either one of those exams on Monday (thankfully) but there is no way I am waiting until the night before to cram. After this illness, which has lasted longer than I would have liked (I know - whine, whine) I am feeling refreshed and ready to hit the next 4 weeks hard! I have an advising appointment on Monday morning...for what reason?? I have no idea. I already know what I need to take since it all just one big sequence that has been laid out for me since before I began. But, it doesn't hurt to get face time with the guy. I am still afraid of blowing it for the semester and getting less than a 3.0. Which would not be good. But, I really need to put that out of my mind until it actually happens. I think the class that really worries me is Nutrition. I would be elated to get a B in there. I don't know if that is possible. It is sad actually, I was somewhat glad to feels o bad this week and get to put off that exam. In addition to feeling terrible, I was not in the right fram of mind to take an important exam. All I could think about was how scared I was of blowing it. It is funny how my definition of "blowing it" has changed so dramatically in the last 10 years. Then, blowing it was an F. Now, it is defined as a C. Some days it is defined as less than an A. Kind of a high standard to set, I suppose. I keep averaging and reaveraging my possible GPA with different grades, etc. Worst case scenerio...I have blown it with 2 Cs, 2 Bs and an A...I have a 2.928. Ugh. I am supposed ot be removed from my program with less than a 3.0. Since this is my first semester, I don't have anything to leverage against. So...would that be it? OR would they give me a break knowing that I have been out of school for so long? C'mon...cut the old lady a break. Anyway, I am looking toward
3 As, 1 B and a C. Thank you Chem. I appreciate the difficulty you have given me this semester and the awful prof that accompanied you. How dense was I when I was so happy to have gotten her? Ugh. Note to self and all readers...are there any of you out there?? Always read up on your profs at AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER. If the reviews say they are bad...they usually are. Don't think you can change the teacher...they are the way they are. Anyway, no use bitching...I just want to get through and beyond. I will NEVER...NEVER, EVER sign up with this prof again. I will literally go to a private institution and my $1K per credit hour rather than have this woman again. Literally, THAT is how bad she has been.

OK, enough bitching. Actually, I am in a really good mood and looking forward to blowing the top off what is left of the semester.


Thursday, November 16, 2006

Under the weather.

Hi all! Thankgiving is next week and the semester is coming to a close. I have registered for Spring classes and ordered my parking permit. Unfortunately, my parking deck was sold out ONE DAY after they went on sale and I was unable to snag one. So, I have a different garage. A bummer, but there are far more important things in life.

I had 2 exams this week, but was very sick and wasn't able ta make either one of them. Thankfully, neither one of them were Chem. In Chem, there are NO MAKE UP EXAMS. You just get a zero. The one saving grace...if your final is higher than any one of your test grades, then it replaces that grade in addition to counting as the final. I am supposed to make up my Math exam by tomorrow and I'm not entirely certain how that is going to happen. I can barely make it up the stairs in my house...much less walk from my car to the building and up 3 flights of stairs. Ugh. I also must make up a Nutrition exam. I have the doctor's note that is required, but my prof has yet to get back with me. I emailed her on Wednesday (as required) and she has not replied. Supposedly, you are supposed to make it up the same week, but that would be just one day after the day the exam was given...which means you better not be very sick! Thankfully, I don't think that she holds fast to this requirement...especially since she is horrible to nail down.

Well, enough of this week.

Next week, I have a Human Bio exam, a HUMS/Chem exam as well as somehow making up the Nutrition exam. Lots of studying this weekend. I am glad this semester is almost over. I mean, I am terrified of finals, but ready to get it overwith.

OK, back to boring TV game show reruns. I have tried to study all week, but it has been useless.

Over and out.

Monday, November 13, 2006

This week is a big one. I have 2 exams, a Bio conference this afternoon for extra credit, a day of physician shadowing...and a vet appointment for one of the dogs :). Unfortunately, have had bronchitis since last week, am in bed and pretty weak. I need to get over this - quickly. Levaquin, Advair and Mucinex..will hopefully clear up the lungs soon. Thankfully, the fever has chilled out but my lungs are a lot more wet then they were. Ugh. I am not volunteering this week; I had determined that long ago due to the bio thing. I really hope that I can go to the conf this afternoon, but right now I am not too optimistic right now. I am downing hot tea and water like they are going out of style and I just realized that Thanksgiving is next week. AGGH. I have 3 exams before I can think about that. Three important exams. Actually, they are all important...but these are the last ones before the final. I have not finished registering for next semester's classes yet, but I was able to get the Chem prof that I was hoping I am thrilled about that. I have an appointment with my advisor at some point this week or next, I really need to look at my schedule. OK, just is next Monday at 0930. Hopefully, I have some form of trachea still intact by then. I am ridiculous pain with every cough.

Tomorrow, is my Math exam. I guess I need to go pay attention to it.

Adios peeps.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Sort of better...

I am feeling a bit better than I was the other evening about my chances for the semester. I have a very realistic view of what my situation is and while it is not ideal, it is not hopeless either. So, I have probably the most difficult 5 weeks of my academic career (thus far) immediately ahead of me. In short, I need close to perfection. Not better than I have done this semester, but better than I have done in recent weeks. Needless to say, I am a bit stressed about it. Perhaps uptight is a better description. I have heart palpitations pretty commonly now and it is driving me nuts. But, that is about all they are doing to me. I am so blessed. Next week, I have 2 exams. Math and Bio/Nutrition. I need A's on both. Math...totally doable. Nutrition...I have yet to accomplish it. So, I'll do my best and pray hard...we'll see what happens.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Sometimes you can't win for losing.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I am having serious doubts that I can do this. I am in danger of being dropped from my program..the first semester in it. If I am dropped, there is no chance in hell of me...well, there is already no chance in hell, but there is even less of a chance if I am dropped. How will I face myself? Damn it. I think the worst part is that I have masqueraded as an intelligent person my entire life. Now what? I have to admit to all my doubters and most painfully to myself that I am nothing more than a complete an total loser who got exactly what she deserved. It wasn't the extenuating circumstances that surrounded many of those grades, it wasn't the fact that I had panic disorder, it wasn't that I couldn't see well enough to read throughout was that I am dumb. Damn it. I don't want to admit that. I don't want to admit to being mediocre. Where the heck does that leave me? What will I do for the rest of my life, however long that may be? We moved here so that I could go to school. I let my husband down. I dragged him on this journey that ended prematurely because I don't have the brain for it. Oh my gosh. I honestly don't know what to think, what to do. I am spilling my guts on a public site. What the hell? Where do I go from here?