Sunday, December 28, 2008

Fat chick.

Today is Sunday. I will be going to the service at 4:30pm, which is unusual for me but I was so jittery this morning from decreasing my meds that I couldn't think of getting up and going. Hubby is preaching today, which he does about once a month. In a freak moment last night nearing 11pm, MSWord scrambled his sermon and he couldn't get it back. As you can imagine, he was slightly ticked. Long story short, he got it back and all was well with the world. So, while he has been off at church this morning, I have been here napping, watching TV and looking at plus sized pregnancy boards. I am so bummed that I am overweight. I have been for about 8 years. I have always fought the weight battle but I am extremely displeased at this moment. I have thought about attempting to lose the extra weight before getting pregnant (story of my life) but I am also concerned about the magical 35 age. I want to try to avoid it. When I met with my OB/GYN she wasn't concerned. She just said to eat right and that there were much bigger girls than me. I am 5'8, 240 lbs and I wear a size 20. I carry it throughout, not just in my hips, thighs, etc. I also have a decent amount of muscle. All this is more credit than I have given myself in the last 8 years. I used to be an athlete...muscular, in shape, you know the drill. I went into business with a collegue who was significantly overweight and her eating habits became mine. Unfortunately, I didn't exercise enough to combat those practices so here I am. Now I eat well for the most part - lots of whole grains, fruit, veggies, tons of water. I keep the sugar intake low and so forth. We have a friggin' gym that is well stocked in our house and my happy @## doesn't use it enough. (full disclosure: I also have mild hypothyrodism)

Anyway, my docs don't seem concerned with the weight. They just say that the weight gained during pregnancy will be limited to 15-20 pounds. I am not diabetic nor hypertensive. One doc just said that I should try to lose what I can in the time that I am d/cing my meds. Um, well...that has been NONE. Ugh. Not due to a lack of trying...just due to a lack of losing. How frustrating! I look forward to being pregnant and I look forward to having a child. My husband is uber-excited. It has been nice to read about plus sized women having really positive pregnancy and birth experiences. I have bought all the all the horrible things that could happen and I refuse to read them over and over. This is going to be hard enough, I don't need to keep reading all the things that "could" happen. I am just going to follow my OB's well and exercise. If I lose nothing, I lose nothing.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Off to work...

Merry Christmas...a day late. I had to work yesterday (bummer) and will finish up my 3 day run today at 7:30pm. I am 2 days from dropping to yet a lower dosage of my anxiety medication. That will be as low as it gets before completely d/cing it on Jan 2nd. I woke up last night a little jittery. This is not going to be easy. It already hasn't been. God has really been great to me in this whole deal...I never thought it would be possible to get to this low of a dosage and still act like a human being. I am so grateful for such a wonderful doctor who knows just how to talk to me and is so accessible. I can't believe that I am going to be in a position medically to have a baby. I never thought that I would ever get off of the meds. I can't tell you how happy I am. I am so grateful that I have a husband who is so understanding that I don't HAVE to work if it suits me better during the pregnancy. I will probably work some very short shifts and be going to school. Once I begin nursing school in May *fingers still crossed*, then I will most likely not work at all until I graduate. I would like to be able to do something from home even if it doesn't pay many bills. I know several people who sell on eBay and I have sold a few items myself. It was pretty easy, so perhaps I can do some of that.

I need to go get showered and ready for work...TTYL.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I am going to try to keep up with this blog more consistently. (Um, well...we'll see how it goes.)

I was not in school this fall. I spent the time working and finishing my application for nursing school. I should hear in February whether or not I got into my first choice. *fingers crossed* It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I didn't get my first choice. I have an alternate plan for that case that would actually get me to my goal a year sooner. Another wrench has been voluntarily thrown into my plans. My husband and I have decided to have a baby. Well, that decision came months ago, but I have been dealing with coming off of medications and changing others to make it a safe environment for the child. Anyway, we are a go to start trying in January.

I have talked to a few friends who are in nursing school currently, including one that is in the program to which I applied. Doable? Yes. Easy? No. I would love to work things so that I deliver just before or just after finals. Of course, in a perfect world. Maybe not in mine. I am going to take the best pregnancy experience that I can get. Beyond that, I will work it out. In this case, I am rapidly approaching 35 and having a baby can't be a point.

I will be in class in the Spring. I will be taking my last pre-req for nursing school (like the 3 years prepping for med school wasn't enough).

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Thief Strikes Again.

Cancer is about to claim yet another of my those I love. Somehow, after agonal breathing and death seemingly within the hour, my friend whom I wrote about below rallied and has clung to life for 24 additional hours. The family is all there and she has told everyone that she loves them. Perhaps I should back up. Almost 2 weeks ago, she was released from the hospital into the care of hospice because there was nothing more they could do. "Hug a lot, eat and drink anything you want, and get your affairs in order" were the instructions. Hubby and I immediately made plans to travel to San Antonio. We left a few days later. We were down there for a week during which I was able to spend some time with her and say my goodbyes. (Though not in those words.) I thanked her for what she had done for me over the 20 years we have know one another and most of all what she has meant to me. She gave both my husband and I each a pink stone to carry in our pockets think of her and offer a prayer. We all knew that it was to serve a longer purpose. I am so grateful for that time that I had with her. I am so grateful that my wonderfully supportive husband went with me. "Death is a part of the gig" as another cancer survivor friend of mine said recently. It most certainly is. We get the good...and we must bear the end of it. Cancer is a horrible end. A horrible, horrible end.

She has meant so much to me. I always was able to go to her with anything. She was more my mother than my own. I will miss her. Many, many people will. I will never be able to think of so many things without associating them with her. I will carry the rock that she placed in my hand with her own, now weak and somewhat disfigured by the disease that will soon take her, and I will remember all the good. Unfortunately, I have cancer to blame for this one too.

I do have happy things to write about and I will in another post. - My husband and I have decided to try start a family. I have a few challenges to overcome, before we can "get things going" but things are going well. Very well. - For now, please offer a prayer for a smooth transition for my dear friend. I have been. Death is's already been bad enough.