Getting older

Getting older is rough. I know 32 is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, but life isn't the way it used to be. That is good and that is bad. Would I like to have an additional 10 years to accomplish what I have set out to do? Of course. Would I be willing to forfeit what I learned in those 10 years? No. Something happened this week. People started looking at me as an adult. Not an adult student, but an adult. That kind of freaked me out. At the same time they began to show more respect, there was a tone of pity as well. Hum...

Maybe it was the new way I am wearing my make up. Maybe I said fewer childish things this week. I don't know the reason. But, I was settling into feeling like a fish in the undergrad sea and frankly enjoying it. Now, I am a fish out of water to those who look at me.

To anyone who says their 30 year old body works as well as it did at 20 is living in a dream world. There are subtle differences. The aches, the decrease in flexibility... the way you look at things and immediately consider how "responsible" it is or what the long term ramifications will be. When you undertake a task such as this you feel a rush of (whatever) that makes you think you can do everything without regard to time. But, the truth is that I am 10 years behind the others. I will not be able practice as long as they will (perhaps) and I will always be competing using a body that is 10 years their senior. The upside to that is that I will always be competing with a brain that 10 years more mature and experienced.

I don't know what I think about it all. I am not stopping (that is not an option), but I don't know how I feel. Weird.