We all get old...

I just had one of those experiences that makes you realize that life is finite. Strange, perhaps. I was sitting in a favorite comfy chair in the corner of a hallway doing some research for a paper that is due tomorrow. A faculty meeting let out down the hall and, sporadically, professors were returning to their offices. I looked up as a figure passed me only to see a Nobel Prize winning chemist that I have never met walk by. He obviously didn't see me. in my perch tucked in the corner behind a giant, empty nitrogen tank. I was in awe. I had read about this man, truly brilliant in my opinion and I wanted to meet him. As my muscles readied themselves to pick my laptop up and place it on a nearby desk, Dr. Nobel Prize Winner let out a long string of....well....gas. I was caught off guard completely. I mean, we all do it (don't lie) and that was not the point. But this was one of those flatulence attacks known as the "old people's fart." Impressive in its own way. I was so startled that I didn't know whether to giggle or quickly fan away any remnant of the act that hung in the air before his younger colleagues reached our position. I didn't do either. I had no idea what to do. I wanted to meet him. But, by that time, I was afraid that he would realize that I witnessed what he obviously meant for an empty hallway and become embarrassed. So, I didn't. Gee, I hope the opportunity comes along again. Perhaps when he hasn't just come from a University catered lunch meeting.

Getting older

Getting older is rough. I know 32 is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, but life isn't the way it used to be. That is good and that is bad. Would I like to have an additional 10 years to accomplish what I have set out to do? Of course. Would I be willing to forfeit what I learned in those 10 years? No. Something happened this week. People started looking at me as an adult. Not an adult student, but an adult. That kind of freaked me out. At the same time they began to show more respect, there was a tone of pity as well. Hum...

Maybe it was the new way I am wearing my make up. Maybe I said fewer childish things this week. I don't know the reason. But, I was settling into feeling like a fish in the undergrad sea and frankly enjoying it. Now, I am a fish out of water to those who look at me.

To anyone who says their 30 year old body works as well as it did at 20 is living in a dream world. There are subtle differences. The aches, the decrease in flexibility... the way you look at things and immediately consider how "responsible" it is or what the long term ramifications will be. When you undertake a task such as this you feel a rush of (whatever) that makes you think you can do everything without regard to time. But, the truth is that I am 10 years behind the others. I will not be able practice as long as they will (perhaps) and I will always be competing using a body that is 10 years their senior. The upside to that is that I will always be competing with a brain that 10 years more mature and experienced.

I don't know what I think about it all. I am not stopping (that is not an option), but I don't know how I feel. Weird.