Off to work...

Merry Christmas...a day late. I had to work yesterday (bummer) and will finish up my 3 day run today at 7:30pm. I am 2 days from dropping to yet a lower dosage of my anxiety medication. That will be as low as it gets before completely d/cing it on Jan 2nd. I woke up last night a little jittery. This is not going to be easy. It already hasn't been. God has really been great to me in this whole deal...I never thought it would be possible to get to this low of a dosage and still act like a human being. I am so grateful for such a wonderful doctor who knows just how to talk to me and is so accessible. I can't believe that I am going to be in a position medically to have a baby. I never thought that I would ever get off of the meds. I can't tell you how happy I am. I am so grateful that I have a husband who is so understanding that I don't HAVE to work if it suits me better during the pregnancy. I will probably work some very short shifts and be going to school. Once I begin nursing school in May *fingers still crossed*, then I will most likely not work at all until I graduate. I would like to be able to do something from home even if it doesn't pay many bills. I know several people who sell on eBay and I have sold a few items myself. It was pretty easy, so perhaps I can do some of that.

I need to go get showered and ready for work...TTYL.

First Call.

I am nearing the end of my EMT class. All we are doing now are practicals. After being cancelled, getting food poisoning (or something..) and whatnot, I finally was able to fulfill my clinical hours. The first night, I was at the rescue squad where I am taking my class. I didn't really expect much action...and the time lived up to it. Not one call. I mean, that is good because it means that no one in our region was having a problem that necessitated calling 911, but on the other hand I didn't learn anything. The second night, I worked an overnight. It was at a station that generally gets plenty of calls. It was a slow night...we got 2. I had a great time. What a rush. We were sent on two priority 1 difficulty breathing calls. The more severe of which was a 39 yo/f. Two hours later, when we ran the second call to the same hospital, she still had a sat in the mid 80s. Likely, pneumonia. I rode with a fantastic crew. I would like to join them permanently, but it is quite time consuming for a voluntary position and the number of deaths of EMTs in the line of duty in my state was pretty high last year which freaks hubby out. So, I will have to decide what I am going to do. I am going to be getting a job, so I probably should just ride as an associate until I find out my schedule...whenever that may be.

I have my EMT final tomorrow and the state exam in a couple of weeks. I also have a Developmental Psych exam on Friday and Human Physiology on Monday. I am probably most ready for the Physiology exam..which I haven't studied for. I seem to understand that pretty easily. Thankfully. (and knock on wood)

I need to schedule the GRE and get studying. A lot pressure was alleviated when I changed to nursing, but I am not using the extra time wisely. I have to admit that I am not missing Physics and Chem though. :-)

Over and out for now. I am off today and need to run a few errands before the plumber gets here this afternoon (don't ask...issues, issues).

Over and out.

Physiology, Episiotomy and other words that end in "-OTOMY"

Today was the first full day of Spring classes. I began my Developmental Psychology class last Monday, so that wasn't much of a surprise. The only other classroom course I am taking is Physiology. It is a huge class...those always are. The class is being taught by one of the profs from the medical school. It was getting a little scary when he was saying that you could still pass the course with something like a 30. OMG! I mean, with a 20 point spread for an A, it gives me hope but on the other hand what the heck has happened in the past that made these measures so necessary. A couple of my friends are in there so that is a plus. I am not taking the lab. I really don't need it and with the EMT course, my time is a bit short.

Tonight we are learning about obstetric emergencies and how to deliver a baby if the need arises. Fun, fun. LOL. I was watching episiotomies on YouTube. Geez, the things people will post on there! Anyway, I better get going. I need to grab a bite to eat before class.

I saw Kate today. She looked wonderful. Her hair is gone, but her eyes are sparkling, her color is great and she seems to have put on some weight. I am so thrilled.

I discussed the transition to NP school and she was supportive. I think it surprised her. Frankly, it surprised me. Anyway, now that it is official I am in unfamiliar waters. I have spent so much time and effort (not to mention money) learning about what I need to do to get into medical school that I, of course, know little about the rest. I have done some investigating. I spoke with a friend who is in the program that I will be hopefully getting into and I have changed my schedule for next semester. Someone apparently dropped Human Physiology today and I was able to pick up that spot. No lab spot though. I will call and arrange an appointment at the nursing school next week to just sit and talk with someone about this and that. I will also be contacting an NP over at XYZ Cancer Center to see if I can get a few minutes with her to pick her brain. My mom called and they have a friend who is a Peds Onc NP in San Antonio and I will be shadowing her in May when I go down to visit.

The change is exciting and I think it will be a great fit, but now I have all this knowledge about med school admissions that is useless to me. It was fun learning about it the first time...I guess I better get back in the mood.

Partying and moving on

I registered for classes yesterday. I am bummed that my favorite Chem prof is only scheduled to have 10 students in her class and by the time I got to register (only the Honors students register before me) all of the spots in her class were taken. Granted, her class was the only one being held at a normal time so I am sure that was a big attraction too. Anyway, I will continue trying to grab a slot that perhaps someone will drop in the next couple of months..it has happened before. I am excited to get back into school. I was able to get in 2 Chem labs, so I won't be behind on that anymore. I thought I was just going to take what I took this semester, but opted to wait until this summer to take Physics since I will also have my EMT course to contend with. So I am taking 3 labs and Gen Chem II. Labs are not credit rich, but extremely time consuming. Ugh.

The surprise party is this Friday. Somehow with all the planning, I still feel so pressed for time. Unfortunately, I have to be up and doing a bunch of stuff (obviously) and my right foot is giving me problems. I was run over in college (yes, run OVER) and both of my feet really took a beating. I noticed last week that for some reason 4 toes on my right foot kept going numb. Nearly simultaneously, my foot became very painful in the same spot where I had problems with it those years ago. Anyway, it is not the best thing to be contending with this week, but I am just trying to ignore it. I will call the podiatrist next week.

The party is going to be wonderful...I hope. I hope that hubby enjoys it. It will be nice to have everyone here.

Life is going pretty well right now. I am looking forward to moving forward. The past is the past and I did the best that I could at the time. Now, I just need to move on. Somehow, I don't think that I am the only one I am talking to.

Have a good one.

-Dr. U.

I suppose I should bring this blog up to date. I have had more time on my hands without classes -- obviously. I am no longer upset with myself for withdrawing as I know it was the best decision that I could have made. I am taking advantage of the relaxing time to bolster myself for next semester. It will be a busy one in which I will need to manage my time close to perfectly. In many ways, it will be the most difficult one I have encountered yet. Kate suggested that I take an EMT certification course. I probably already mentioned that. It will not be taken through school, but will require 8 hours of class per week in addition to school. I am also to committed to volunteering at an inner city elementary school (only 1-2 hours once a week) through the end of the school year. Additionally, I am trying to get back to the cancer center to do a couple of hours at least every other week. Thankfully, for some reason, I found out that my favorite professor will be teaching Gen Chem II again the Spring. So, I will be registering next Monday. I will not be taking Physics at my post-bacc univ this Spring...instead opting to avoid the evil prof and take it elsewhere. I need to confirm transferability of credits this week. Overall, I am feeling really good about things. The time off has been rejuvenating.

Two of my friends have received their first acceptances to medical school. Yeah! I am horribly envious, but ridiculously proud of them. I know that my time will come.

Universal health care and other things that look good on paper

Today was a decent day. I was kinda bummed that my back hurt all day and today was lab (and therefore STANDING) intensive but I got through it anyway. I wasn't sure when exactly that Kate was going to end up beginning her first round of chemo, but we exchanged emails this afternoon. Apparently, it began a week later than originally scheduled..so that was yesterday and she said that she has 15 hours left. She indicated it was going well so I am glad.

I can't express how thrilled I am with my friend who turned out to be my Chem lab partner! It is so much fun to go to that class. It could be such a drag, but we laugh so much. Not to mention, she is intelligent so I am not having to question whether or not her analysis is accurate because she doesn't care. I hate that. I guess I WAS that person the first time around, but things have been very different this time.

I finally got the notes over to Disability Services for my student. I have been a volunteer notetaker for a couple of semesters for 2 different students with learning disabilities. I may have mentioned that. Anyway, it is nothing earth-shattering, I just take clearer notes and have to go make copies of them at least once a week. I was feeling so bad on Friday (when I usually take care of that) that I ended up abandoning the effort altogether. Yesterday wasn't much better, but today I am thrilled to say that the notes are waiting for my classmate. Part of the whole thing is that it is confidential, so while it would be a lot easier to just hand the notes to the guy in class (yes, I know who he is), I have to trek over to the official office and deposit them there.

Universal healthcare...hum. A lot of people have been discussing this with me lately. What do I think? Does it matter? Here's my ineloquent, if not ignorant, take on the matter... Do I think that we some form of health coverage for everyone..ABSOLUTELY. Do I think that the government should resort to a socialist form of care...ABSOLUTELY NOT. Here's the deal, I see the crap that my docs have to go through to get paid by my health insurance company and I have excellent coverage. I see on my EOBs that are sent to me what kind of pitiful sum they are paid to see me. I know that I have taken well more of their time than what they are paid for. There is a huge misconception that doctors make too much money and that the problem lies with the medical community. I strongly disagree. Why is it that we can handle athletes and CEOs of companies making manifold what docs make and yet fail to consider the fact that physicians must pay exhorbiant malpractice fees, very high education costs (which many are still paying off >10 years later), staff salaries (God forbid someone have to wait longer than they want), equipment costs (because we all want the latest technology...or at least something from the 20th century), they work WAY more than people give them credit for (call the doc because you have a question..they don't get paid for that...no insurance billing code...how many of those questions even if not directly from your mouth do they have to field in a day in between 30-50 patients to be seen in 15 minute increments) and all done for (in my experience) 25-75% of what they actually charge. Are their fees excessive? We will take my pulmonologist as an example, he went through 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, and 5-6 years of internship/residency. By that time many new doctors are >$200K in debt compounding interest constantly. After all of that time, how much would you say that YOUR time would be worth? Then add on all the things mentioned above which just make it possible for a physician to provide adequate care for patients.

I don't expect to make a lot as a doctor. I will be 43 when I complete residency and then have the joy of paying back all the loans. I will likely never own my own practice. Perhaps group or hospital based practice will be for me. I have nothing to gain by saying that government run universal health care is a bad idea, except the opportunity to care for my patients in the best way possible. If the government wants to get involved then it should pay private insurance companies to cover every citizen of the U.S. and then it needs to make sure that the insurance companies are making good on their obligations to the patient and the doctor.

The last 2 questions...Do I think we will have universal health care in the U.S. in the next 10 years? Yes. Do I believe that it will be a good system? No.

TTFN.

Getting older

Getting older is rough. I know 32 is really nothing in the grand scheme of things, but life isn't the way it used to be. That is good and that is bad. Would I like to have an additional 10 years to accomplish what I have set out to do? Of course. Would I be willing to forfeit what I learned in those 10 years? No. Something happened this week. People started looking at me as an adult. Not an adult student, but an adult. That kind of freaked me out. At the same time they began to show more respect, there was a tone of pity as well. Hum...

Maybe it was the new way I am wearing my make up. Maybe I said fewer childish things this week. I don't know the reason. But, I was settling into feeling like a fish in the undergrad sea and frankly enjoying it. Now, I am a fish out of water to those who look at me.

To anyone who says their 30 year old body works as well as it did at 20 is living in a dream world. There are subtle differences. The aches, the decrease in flexibility... the way you look at things and immediately consider how "responsible" it is or what the long term ramifications will be. When you undertake a task such as this you feel a rush of (whatever) that makes you think you can do everything without regard to time. But, the truth is that I am 10 years behind the others. I will not be able practice as long as they will (perhaps) and I will always be competing using a body that is 10 years their senior. The upside to that is that I will always be competing with a brain that 10 years more mature and experienced.

I don't know what I think about it all. I am not stopping (that is not an option), but I don't know how I feel. Weird.

Second week.

I must say that I am rather pleased with how things are going in Anatomy so far. I feel really bad for a friend of mine who is completely lost. I am trying to help as much as I can...as I type this, I have labels written all over my body from an evening of studying. I think more people are in the boat with her than are in the one with me...which is sad. Thankfully, the chapter on Embryology is not being taken seriously by my prof. She told us to read it if we needed help getting to sleep. HA! I had already trudged through it so the pain was fully experienced, but it was nice to know that I was not going to be held super accountable for the boredom I had endured and likely not retained. :)

It is cold here. Thankfully, during the day it hasn't been all that bad...perhaps in the 40s, but at night ---- BRRRRR! Hubby and I have been trying to eat better. I lost 6 pounds this week!!! Of course, I know that won't happen from here on out, but it was a nice jump start. Unfortunately (sort of) my birthday is Saturday and there is some sort of surprised planned...all I know is that I am to be ready to be taken (or picked up or teleported or something) somewhere by noon. We will wait and find out. Everyone knows I LOVE cake. I mean, it is wrong to love cake as much as I do, so undoubtedly there will be cake. And...I will partake of the cake! YUM! I wish I could say "You only turn 32 once" like it was some sort of legitimate milestone worthy of breaking a diet, but it is not. Yet, I will eat cake anyway.

I bought my lab coat for Anatomy yesterday. The arms are so long! Aggh! If it were a "real" white coat...you know the kind that I will be wearing sometime in the future, I would care. But, this is just not to get cadaver juice on me.

As far as my other classes...
First Aid/CPR is fine...it will be an A. More work than I wanted, but really the hardest part about the class is the long hike I have 10 minutes to make in order to get there on time.
Biomedical Research is confusing as heck, but it will be a difficult class to get less than an A in for anyone (straight from the prof's mouth). All we have to do is show up and write a few papers on some sort of derivation of one of the speakers' lectures.
Gen Chem is wonderful so far. I love my prof. I knew I would and I am thrilled that I made the decision to suck it up and take it even with the horrible scheduling.
PreCalc - What can I say? Math is not my thing. I just want to get through with at least a B.
HUMS Chem - A. Done. Nothing to say. Show up, do the work...don't tick anyone off.

Dang! I am taking something else but can't remember what it is!!! How terrible is that? Frankly, I am just to zoned to figure it out right now. LOL.

Well, I guess I should try to wash all of this marker off of me and read a bit of Anatomy before bed. Gee, nothing better. Seriously, I love that class.

Ok, outta here! Have a good one!

First Day Back

Classes resumed today. I am in for quite a semester. This will be the semester that determines whether or not I can actually do it. Anatomy alone....WHOA. Not to mention, the professor couldn't be less "entertaining"...a very nice lady, very grandmotherly...with a great love for the word "People."

"I tell you something people..."
"You know people...."
"People, you have to..."

I think I am going to enjoy it though. We will have 2 cadavers in lecture this semester instead of moving one from lab to lab. That will be interesting. Now, how many "people" are going to puke and how many are going to faint? I hope and pray that I am not one of those.

Unfortunately, Blackboard is not functioning correctly for me and I am unable to access the class notes and notices. This is not good. Apparently, I am one of the only ones. I emailed her to see what the heck is going on.

I need to go buy colored pencils (reminds me of 4th grade Social Studies) and a one subject notebook for one of my Chem classes. They are very picky about that. It must be a one subject dedicated notebook. Um...ok. Thankfully, I have already determined what we are having for dinner and it won't take very long to make. I did not sleep well at all last night and would like to take a nap. The thought of taking a nap makes me feel guilty and that is why I have spent the last hour avoiding it. But, I don't think I am going to quit feeling this way nor quit thinking about it until I snooze. So, off to crash I go.

Night for now PEOPLE! ;)

-Dr. Underdog