I am having serious doubts that I can do this. I am in danger of being dropped from my program..the first semester in it. If I am dropped, there is no chance in hell of me...well, there is already no chance in hell, but there is even less of a chance if I am dropped. How will I face myself? Damn it. I think the worst part is that I have masqueraded as an intelligent person my entire life. Now what? I have to admit to all my doubters and most painfully to myself that I am nothing more than a complete an total loser who got exactly what she deserved. It wasn't the extenuating circumstances that surrounded many of those grades, it wasn't the fact that I had panic disorder, it wasn't that I couldn't see well enough to read throughout undergrad...it was that I am dumb. Damn it. I don't want to admit that. I don't want to admit to being mediocre. Where the heck does that leave me? What will I do for the rest of my life, however long that may be? We moved here so that I could go to school. I let my husband down. I dragged him on this journey that ended prematurely because I don't have the brain for it. Oh my gosh. I honestly don't know what to think, what to do. I am spilling my guts on a public site. What the hell? Where do I go from here?