Sunday, October 08, 2006

Ugh.

I know I already posted today. But, here I am again. Someone clue me in. I need advice. My husband and I decided to adopt because having a baby naturally isn't really the smartest thing in our/my situation. I am happy about this decision. It really takes a lot of stress off of me. But, I have serious maternal hormones going and am somewhat anxious to get this moving. However, I want to put it on hold until I am a little further along with my schooling. The problem? Whenever I hear of good news along these lines for anyone else it throws me into a tailspin. A dear friend of mine has really been wanting another niece/nephew and she found out today that that was going to be the case. I am thrilled for her. I really am. I think she really needs this...despite the fact that it is what she has wanted. But, I think I hurt her tonight. I just couldn't talk about it. I tried. I tried so hard to act like nothing was going on in my mind...in my heart. This is such a bad idea to lay this out in THIS forum...she reads my blog. But, this is MY RELEASE, MY WORDS...MY BLOG...so I will write.

What should I do? I don't want to be a killjoy for those I love. That is horrible. Not to mention, it is just wrong! Most of all though...I don't want to feel like this.

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