I just want to get something straight that I am sure some are thinking...YES, I KNOW THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! This blog is comprised of MY thoughts and MY feelings from MY perspective so it is not objective in any way. Now, with that out of the way...I am feeling emotionally and physically exhausted, but much better overall. The care package was a huge hit and that made me so happy. Obviously, I saw Kate today. It was a rather tearful encounter, but it wouldn't have been had she not pushed me. I told her repeatedly that I didn't want to talk about how I felt with her because that was totally horrible and unfair. She kept pushing and pushing and PUSHING. So, damn...there it went. She was in a fabulous mood and I really wanted to keep it there. Unfortunately, I think I was overcompensating for feeling so sad by putting on this disastrous front to hide my true emotions. Even I wasn't buying it but couldn't correct in time. Anyway, long story short. Chemo begins September 10, just after radiation ends.
I didn't cry after seeing her today. I talked her briefly on the phone as I neared my house, but it was nothing big.
I am going to try to out this in the back of my mind for a few weeks. I will send her a little note next week just to let her know that we are praying for her, but other than that I really want to keep my mind on school. Funny, through the whole thing today she somehow found a way to relate EVERYTHING to school or medicine whether or not it was related. Go figure. That is so her.
I am so grateful to have such a wonderful role model. Please keep her in your prayers.
2 comments:
Im so sorry that your friend Kate's diagnosis, and for what you are going through.
I will keep you both in my prayers.
Keep writing and keep posting your thoughts. It's your blog, and no one has to read it if they don't want to.
I have found blogging mostly to be therapeutic. Sometimes it's a hassle or the comments are rough, but it's a good way to interact with other people, something I know I don't do enough.
It seems that sometimes when it rains it pours. I'm truly sorry to hear about how your life has been so touched by death and illness lately. You can only do the best you can do, so don't beat yourself up about breaking down or taking bad news hard even if it doesn't affect you directly. It just shows that you genuinely care about others and makes for a great characteristic of a future physician.
Take care!
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