I hope I never learn to look beyond the person to the symptoms alone. Distance myself to create a healthy environment for myself and my patient? Yes, but I never want to lose sight of the person. I was sitting with my mentor yesterday afternoon. We had not seen each other in a little over a month and we were typing up some loose ends when she said "I'm sorry, that is my fault Dr. Underdog. Something happened...something pretty bad...as in I could have not been here...that has consumed my life for the last month." I looked at her with a concerned look as it seemed that she wanted to tell me more...and I wanted to hear it. I asked (obviously). I had noticed that her car was not in there when I had driven up earlier, but thought little of it. She then told me (with a nervous laugh every once in awhile) about how she had been driving on a major road near where I used to live and had been t-boned. Unfortunately, that was just the beginning. Her car was sent airborne and flipped twice. When she landed, moved backwards destroying a retaining wall and bringing her to a halt between 2 buildings. The airbags had not deployed as the sensors in the front bumper had not been activated. Upon hearing this story (with my hand covering my gaping mouth and eyes wide), I hugged her telling her what she meant to me. After all, had it not been for this person I would not be on the road that I am. She is strength and a reminder that I can do it. But, most of all, I see strength. I see a woman committed to the patients that she serves and unwavering in their care. I have rarely seen her emotional, but it was obvious that she was shaken. She had been dealing with her injuries for the last month and was just returning to work.

My point? People are not always what they seem. I always want to ask the next question...even at the risk of seeming intrusive. I want to look past the surface of the hardest of people and see something more. When I was involved in a very bad car accident (nowhere close to what she had experienced) about 8 months ago, I became acutely aware of the speed at which things can end. The sound of crushing metal was just beginning to leave me long enough to find peace. I have been witness to accidents through which people should not have lived. These experiences leave a mark. They burn a memory that is not peaceful. It causes nightmares and changes the way you think...the way you look at things, people...the way you live. These are the kind of experiences that can break the hardest of individuals.

I never want to put such a distance between myself and another that it takes another experience like the one I walked away from 8 months ago or the one that my mentor experienced recently to make me realize where my mind should be. I felt that happen to me and I watched as it happened to her.

I don't want to be stereotypical, I don't want to be judgemental and most of all, I don't want to be distant.