Oh well.

Obviously, the meds are working. I feel somewhat strung out, but I am a lot more me in the net. I ordered hubby's cake yesterday. It is going to be incredible. That was the upside to my day. The downside was that I had trusted my mom enough to tell her what was going on with me -- mistakenly thinking that she had changed. It backfired...again. It's like I told hubby, I am so stupid...I will run my head into a brick wall, determine that it is a bad idea, swear up and down that I will never do it again, BUT if you paint that wall somehow I am convinced that things will be different. It is so sad. I think I am really mourning the lack of a true mother. She has never been one that I could trust unconditionally. Not because she would divulge my secrets, but because she would store them up and use them against me herself. Sad. She apparently leads a very unhappy life. She keeps saying that she has changed, but she hasn't. She is more Type A than I am and completely incapable (frankly, she doesn't want to) of change. I really wish that I had a mom that I could share my pain with...I don't.