The theme for the next 3 weeks or so will be "It is almost over." I knew I hated math. Only a few more weeks and I am finished with it for good. Of course, that is what I said about formal education when I graduated from college. I have an exam tomorrow at noon and then another one Thursday at the same time. I postponed it from its originally scheduled date of today. I was having a freak out session last night and of course it rendered me totally stupid. Funny how that happens.

I secured another LOR (letter of recommendation) today...from my Biomedical Research prof. Actually, he VOLUNTEERED to write it. Weird! I didn't even ask him. I was eventually going to, but cool! That made me feel great. I am not sure if I will be working in a lab this year or not. I would like to see how things are done and get to put it on my application next year, but if it really would be totally useless and I would contribute absolutely nothing which would result in a completely negative (and therefore nonexistent) LOR, then is it really the brightest place to spend my time? The aforementioned BioMed prof gave me the names of some people at the med school that he collaborates with and whose research is more clinically based. He thinks that that is where I should devote my time if I decide to go forward with it. It is great to have someone who is completely not threatening who will answer questions so that I don't waste a year of my life. Not that being exposed to something that I have never been exposed to before would be a "waste"...

I have spent the last 6 hours retaking exams to prep myself for my big exam tomorrow. I think studying is over for the night.

Over and out.
Dr Underdog

I'm laughing at you

I really can't stand people with superiority complexes...especially when they have absolutely nothing to be flaunting. I know, I know, "Hey, Dr. Underdog, you are going into the wrong field if you are turned off by egos." Egos are one thing. I laugh at most people...egos are entertaining. I have a couple of friends who recently showed their true colors. It was a total turn off. Each began speaking down to me like I was a child that didn't know her head from her back end. If that person/those people could have known the laughter that was going on in my head at those moments. Why is it that people find it so important to be that way? It is always a great "go to" for humor, but for some it is reality. What happened in those lives that leads one to behave that way?
Now, don't get me wrong, I am not blameless in this. I never claimed to be...but WOW!

I have often thought about foregoing the whole anonymous blog thing and spilling the details of everything, but it is times like this when I am glad I have left it the way it is. The only people who know whose blog this is are people that really don't "know" me anyway. I mean, they online know me and I have met a few, but the people that I deal with face to face everyday have no clue about this blog. This is where my head can take all of that laughter that has been stored up from people making idiots of themselves and it can run rampant all over the screen.

Laugh...it is the best revenge.

Specialties - quit asking

Way too often, when I tell someone the path I am on, I am asked what kind of medicine I want to practice. In other words, what specialty have I chosen before I even enter medical school? I suppose that everyone who chooses this route has an idea...at least SOME idea before they enter, I am sure that that notion is what sent them this way in the first place. I thought I wanted to be a pediatric oncologist way back when. Not a bad gig I suppose, but I am 32 now and fellowships are long. Not to mention, those peds patients come with parents. Bummer. Parents will keep me from peds I am sure. I was sure I wanted a career in surgery. Um, not anymore. I am sure the queasiness will subside, but I wasn't enthralled enough in the process to devote my life to it. Maybe oncology? Maybe, maybe not. Internal medicine or family practice? Likely. Most people aren't impressed by that answer. Sadly, most are put off by that answer as if it is not acceptable - as if doctors should all practice something with 15 PGYs. In what a pitiful position they would find themselves without their family doc. Mine is my go to. I trust her. She has made a difference in my life. She is committed and passionate about what she does. Does it require a scalpel to possess these characteristics? Not in my opinion.

Bravo to those who have known they want to be a urologist since they were knee high to a grasshopper and put the blinders on to any and everything else. I am not one of those. I feel like it would short change me and my future patients to choose a specialty before being exposed to all that medicine has to offer. If I end up specializing in whatever I enter medical school with a desire to do, then great. But, med school is to learn. It is training. Maybe I will end up specializing in liposuction of only the left pinkie finger. HA! Do they have a name for that? Besides, what possesses one to chose UROLOGY as a kid? That must have been one messed up childhood! ;)

My homework is here but my mind is elsewhere

I am trying to study. It is Friday night and I am not in the mood but I know I need to do it. Usually, I fall into a rhythm and I really don't want to stop. For a brief moment, I enjoy math. Tonight is not one of those cases. I am learning completely new material and my mind is not on it. I am trying, but something else consumes me. I was speaking with my mentor earlier today and suddenly she stopped. "Dr. Underdog, we need to change gears for just a second," she said. I sat there confused. She told me bluntly that she was going to have a hysterectomy and would be out of commission for about 4 weeks. I asked if she was OK. "Yeah...well, I will be." She told me about how she had asked about having liposuction performed at the same time but that, due to mass loss it was not going to happen. She joked about asking for a face lift as an alternative. We discussed how much weight she would lose as a result of the removal of the organs and she was surprised. I knew the numbers because my mother had the surgery done when I was in junior high. We joked on. She mentioned that "they" told her she had to have it done. In other words, this is not an elective procedure. I gathered that by her initial response: "I will be." She said that she would be available via phone and email until she is back on her feet... "You know how I deal with being down," she remarked.

I didn't press the subject very hard. I felt that she told me more than she needed to and I was grateful. But, it is obvious that this is not a benign situation and that is what has my mind right now. If it weren't for her, I would never be on this path in the first place. I would have remained a dreamer and not a doer. I would still be wondering what could have been and not looking forward to applying to medical school next year. I would still not be able to read. I would not be... a lot of good things.

This week was already one of thinking as I received an email from my dad that a man that had meant a lot to me growing up had died. Sonny was the husband of my youth minister, Mary Jayne, when I was in high school. I was extremely active in my church and spent a lot of time with them at various things and have great memories of times at their lake house where they eventually moved. Later, in my early 20s, I converted out of the Catholic church and married a Methodist minister. My parents had already made it clear to me that they were not happy about my conversion. Sonny had returned to seminary and became a deacon in the Catholic church, the highest position allowed to a married man. Unfortunately, our last encounter was not a good one. I was in Mary Jayne's office in my late 20s and Sonny walked down the hall. He saw me and walked right by. All he had to say (not even to me, but about me) was "Don't get near her, she will convert you." I laughed it off and tried to hug him, but he practically ran from me. It hurt. One of these days I will write about the hatefulness of those within the church and the pain of being a pastor's wife. But, for now, the world lost a great guy. Despite the way he treated me that day. Sonny died on June 8. While driving, he pulled over to the side of the road and had a heart attack. Sonny's picture (obviously in deacon robes) is the picture at the top of this post.

Whatever the underlying situation with my mentor, I pray that she is not lost. Call me selfish. Perhaps that is why math is the last thing on my mind.

Jury Duty interrupting my education

Returned from Chicago and the OPM conference last night. It wasn't very good this year, consequently I didn't attend very many of the sessions. But, got some shopping done and got to spend a bunch of time with some friends from SDN.

It looks like I am going to have to drop my Chem lab. I was summoned to jury duty for the MONTH of JULY. You read that correctly - MONTH. As they direct, I submitted a request to be excused based upon my class schedule during that time and they have yet to respond. The only people that can grant the excuse are the judges and the summons specifically says not to call for that because it won't be done. So...the deadline to get the request in is June 15 which means they probably won't even look at it until the 15th. Unfortunately, the deadline to drop the lab (which meets 6x/week = 3 days/2x day) is TODAY. So, unless I get something in the mail today, I am going to have to drop. It isn't such a bad thing. I will add it to the Fall (hopefully) and just be slammed with labs. I can use the extra time to work on my math. I got an email from my distance learning prof this morning asking what was going on since I haven't submitted any work thus far. I am sending an exam out today, I just haven't yet. I am behind, but not out of my mind behind. Now, it will be the only thing I have to do for the summer so everything will be fine. I hope.

Lots of things to do today.
1. Buy a gift for a friend who just had a baby
2. Pick up my best friend's birthday gift
3. Sign the release so the body shop can get started on my Xterra from the accident last week
4. Mail exam to prof
5. Pick up package at the post office that hubby has been waiting for
6. Drop class
7. Study....thankfully I got quite a bit done this morning
8. Grocery store

That's all off the top of my head. I am sure there is more, but that's what immediately comes to mind.

If I expect to get it all done, I had better get a move on.

Later!
Dr. U

Leaving for OPM in the morning.

**Unfortunately, there was some bad news last night. A transplant crew from the University of Michigan crashed into Lake Michigan and there are no known survivors. Very, very sad.
Based upon the specialties of the docs, it is apparent that the recipient was to be a child. Read more here. **

__________

One more day until I leave for OPM! Tomorrow night will be spent on a train to the Midwest since I am not a flier (at least right now) and Thursday night it is sushi in Chi-town with 3 fellow SDNers. I have been looking forward to this weekend since the last one - last June. I have not been studying as much as I should be... I am hoping to make up some time on the train.

I am still a bit sick. Ugh. I used never to get sick. What the heck? It seems like I am always coming down with something now. Anyway, I have lost a couple of pounds of muscle in the last week or so. Food hasn't been very appealing either...so I am hoping that perhaps I lost at least an OUNCE of fat. But, I am not optimistic. Today's agenda includes a mani, pedi, eyebrow wax, laundry, packing and few other errands. I also will be making dinner. This is somewhat unusual so I include it. Between hubby's schedule at the hospital and mine, dinner at home is not a frequent occurrence. I suppose that is good, seeing as though my cooking is pretty bad. The house is a complete wreck and I feel awful about leaving it like this while I am away because I know he will clean. But, the last thing I want to do is get all those dust bunnies and chemical molecules into my lungs. I am trying to get things out of there right now...not add more.

After reviewing a bunch of profiles on mdapps, I have decided to apply next cycle as originally planned instead of just making it "my first go-round" with plans for failure. I am pretty sold on DO. I would not turn down an allopathic spot, but I really believe in osteopathy and I believe that is where I should be. The unfortunate part of that is that the school 3 miles from me is MD. The closest allopathic is like 3 -5 hours away. That wouldn't be such a big deal, but I am married. We have discussed this a million times. We will make it through, I am not concerned about that. I just don't want to give him the idea that I am choosing school over him. That couldn't be further from the truth. He will be going into a position in the church in which he will need me by his side. I mean, not necessarily NEED, but it will look better for him as a pastor.

Ok, it is off to mani/pedi for me! Adios.

Fibromyalgia

I have been working very hard to workout at least 5 days/week. Unfortunately, I am having a severe Fibro flare this week and it is knocking me on my a$$. I have to tell you, it is a REALLY bad feeling when the bottoms of your feet hurt to the touch. Not good. That is what Fibromyalgia is. (I am aware that I just ended that sentence with a preposition...so sue me.) If you aren't familiar with FM, check out this segment. I have been really struggling this week to continue my workout schedule. It is nothing big, but I need to keep going. Unfortunately, during times like these, getting out of bed is a huge accomplishment. I usually don't let it ruin me. If I can afford to have the day go to waste...well, then perhaps I will give in. But, I usually feel completely guilty afterward. Either way, typing this is driving me nuts...my hands are hot and swollen. My knuckles are tight. I can't get comfortable. That is probably the thing that makes me the craziest. Good day or bad, I can never get comfortable. There is either too much pressure here or too much pressure there. Really annoying. I try to be super careful when I know I have an exam coming up or something that will require super mind performance and especially when it is timed. I can get so distracted by the discomfort on the best day. I have a high tolerance for pain and am no longer on medication. I am glad of that - most days. I just make quiet accommodations. I don't sit in the middle of a row. I give myself as much moving room as possible. I sit in the front of the class when we are in desks and toward the back on the end of a row when I am in a lecture hall. I am very careful about what I wear to class. Being uncomfortable whether it be my shoes or a belt will ruin my day.

I could go on about this for quite awhile...perhaps convince you to pursue a career in Rheumatology, but my hands are so tight that it is radiating up my arms. I gotta jet. Have a good one!!

TTFN.

Surgery's not for me

I had the opportunity to shadow a Cardiothoracic Surgeon yesterday and today. I really enjoyed clinic, but got pretty queasy during surgery. I am sure the next time I get to see it I will be much better, but I don't think I am interested in surgery as a specialty. Before this morning, I thought it was definitely and interest of mine. The faces in that room were not exactly pleasant. They didn't look happy. They didn't even appear to be enjoying being there. Hum. There is something wrong with that. The doc I was shadowing was the only one that seemed to be enjoying herself, and she was not exactly happy elsewhere. I liked her. I enjoyed my time shadowing her. She hated clinic. I liked it.

Getting nauseated during the surgery was a bummer. I had wanted to like surgery. I didn't. Unfortunately, I didn't even find it all that interesting. Granted, I left before I could really see anything. I was watching from the observation room as a precaution. I was afraid that I may become ill and I didn't want to embarrass myself. Frankly, the nerves were the worst part. I had never witnessed anything like that before. I am glad that I took the pansy's way out by watching from in there. I got to leave when I became really uncomfortable. Anyway, I am glad that I found out now that surgery was not for me. I was really bummed though...that I wasn't enthralled with it. I thought I would be completely wide-eyed. But I wasn't. Hum. Sad.

Office-based practice here I come! :) This may upset many people. Not me. I learned something about myself. I also learned that just because you are the only female and only D.O. surgeon in the cardiothoracic division of surgery - you don't have to be a b**** to be effective or be taken seriously. She's got my respect and apparently a lot of other people's.

A short update

I am convinced that no one is reading this anymore, but that is ok. Apparently, it doesn't bother me seeing as though I continue to write. I know my entry the other day wasn't very verbose...hey, I think the 96% on an ANATOMY FINAL speaks volumes by itself! ;) Anyway, I have been a total slug the last day and a half. Yesterday was devoted to sleeping and Facebook. It was so fun! I located a bunch of people that I grew up with and have known for a hundred years...and my cousin who is attending my alma mater. How strange it is to know that the guy whose mother you helped stand after sitting on a curb while she was pregnant with HIM is now in medical school. So cool, yet so weird. His sister, who I have also known forever is divorced (I went to her wedding)...and the youngest of the 3 is 20. Nothing like that to make me feel old. Oh yes..there is...MY cousin is 21. I held her while she was still in the hospital. OMG.

I am feeling old...and scared...and unsure. That's the worst part. Am I SURE about this? I keep trying to talk myself out of it, but I can't. Is that a good sign or a bad one?

I will be shadowing a Cardiothoracic Surgeon (a D.O.!!!) next week. I am excited, but somewhat nervous.

Let's see, grades...I finished the semester with a 3.5. I may have already said that. Oh well, now you know twice. Geez, I just finished last week and I only have one more week of vacation before I return for summer classes. I am going to an open house at another medical school that I am interested in. It is an osteopathic school. I really prefer that philosophy. Would I turn down an allopathic acceptance? Absolutely not. (Seriously, am I crazy???) Obviously, my first choice is to stay right here in town where I can come home to hubby at night and perhaps maintain some semblance of normalcy. But, it is going to take a lot.

What a disjointed post. Ugh.

96% on my Anatomy final....see ya!!

Spring Semester Over.

The semester is over! My Anatomy final was yesterday and I am anxiously awaiting the grade. I need a B to make a B in the class. I felt like I took care of it on the test, but I never can say for sure until the score is posted. The best thing for me to do would be to forget about until Monday and check then, but I am too anxiety-ridden. Other than not knowing about Anatomy, I got 3 A's and 1 B this semester. Overall, I am pleased. Obviously, I would prefer that the B were an A, but I feel like I put forth a great effort and well...

Wheeeeee.

I am about an hour from attending my last class of the semester. Thank God. I am really ready for it to be over. Now..it is time for finals. I am gaining weight and I really can't figure out why. I am doing more exercise than I typically do and my body usually does strange things when that happens, but this is really ticking me off. Aside from what the scale says, I feel huge. That is probably worse than the number.

Despite the whole weight thing, I am in a really good mood this morning. I wrote my paper for my Biomedical Research class and registered for a class for the summer. I am dressed and ready for class a full 30 minutes before I need to leave. Wow. That never happens. the sun is shining and I am driving the convertible today. I just have good feelings about today. Don't ask me why...I just do.

I still need to make my train reservations for the OPM (www.oldpremeds.org) conference in June. Last year was so much fun and there are even more of my SDN buddies going this year. I am so excited.

I think I have consumed way too much caffeine lately...I am so jittery. I hope she lets us out of class early today. I have no idea what we have left to cover, but my chem prof used every last minute of our final class yesterday so I am not putting it past the Anatomy one to do the same.

I am gonna jet. The day awaits.

Study Break

This is a time when I have absolutely no business putzing around on the 'net. I finally finished a project for First Aid that took the entire weekend and I still have 2 Chemistry assignments (due tomorrow) and a paper for Biomedical Research to write (due Tuesday). I am going stir crazy. I can't stand to sit here at my desk anymore and yesterday I spent the time lying in bed working on my laptop. It has been a gorgeous weekend for weather...obviously I didn't get to enjoy it. Oh well...it is my choice. Thankfully, there was curve on the last Anatomy lecture exam and I have a B in the class. I am waiting for the results of the last practical that we took on Thursday night. I felt really good about it until the last 10 rotations or so. I wasn't completely lost on the last 10, it was just that up until that point I hadn't had any trouble. Anyway, I am still waiting for the results. If I can pull something decent on that, I will feel much better going into the final. I am really upset about the way Anatomy has turned out for me this semester. It is the only class that I am not set up to get an A in...but it is the class that I expected to get an A in. Really bothersome. There is no reason that I shouldn't have done better in there. I know the stuff. I know it. I can make excuses all day long, but when it comes right down to it...I don't know that I can pinpoint what it actually was. Perhaps a combination of a few things, some that I had control over, others that I didn't. I will end up with a 3.7 if all goes as expected through finals. I really don't want to think about grades right now. I am getting too worked up over finals.

My desk is an absolute mess. It looks like my mind feels. I have all sorts of stuff on here...including my dinner plate since I ate while working. I know that some people preach that you should always have a clean and clutter-free desk for maximum whatever. Obviously, that is not the philosophy to which I am subscribing right now. In fact, my entire office is just a sinkhole of mess. Maybe I will try to get it cleaned up before I begin studying seriously for finals. I say "maybe" because I have set so many goals like these before and priorities always win in the end. "Clean the desk or do the homework"...which is going to get me into med school? Certainly not cleaning the desk. I am definitely more a Christina (Grey's Anatomy) than a Meredith. At least when it comes to tidiness. I am always hygienic...just not always tidy. Ok, it is more likely to find my house a mess than clean. Sad, but true. Would I like to have a housekeeper? Sure, but this is one of those things that hubby says we can do ourselves and frankly I don't trust anyone anymore.

Anyway, I am gonna post this and try to work on Chem. If I can just get this one assignment done it would be great. I would only accomplish half of the stuff that I needed to this weekend and need to get creative to get the other stuff done...but I will still feel tremendous relief with this one assignment done.

Ok. Ta-Ta For Now.

This has been a tough week for a variety of reasons. As I lie here typing this, I have ridiculously swollen eyes that caused me to not want to look in the mirror any longer. I have been really down in the dumps...whether this stage of it is depression or just a bad mood I am not certain, but I had a previously scheduled therapy session yesterday in which my doc and I took turns raising our voice to each other. I really couldn't wait to get out of there, but perhaps the fact that I didn't want to be there in the first place and I told her that didn't really set a positive tone. Either way, it is over.

I was thrilled to read this morning that the major project that I have had scheduled due this Monday is actually due NEXT Monday.

It is a gorgeous day here. Hubby was on duty last night so he is napping, but hopefully we will get some stuff done or go biking this afternoon. I am kind of anxious to tackle the trails near our house, but he is not so much of a daredevil when it comes to biking. Don't misunderstand me, I am not a daredevil by nature, but I am not all that afraid of getting hurt on a bike. Perhaps I should be.

Gee, this was a useless post.

4.16.07

This post will come as close to me revealing who I am to those who don't already know.

Campus was very quiet today. Eerily quiet. There was a somberness that was palpable. I do not attend Virginia Tech, but nearly everyone at my university knows SOMEONE who does. My best friend was at VT when the shootings occurred yesterday. As you can imagine, she is visibly shaken.

Regardless of who you are, where you were, what school you attend or your role in life at the current time, it is understandable that this affected you. It affected me. Perhaps I was being hard hearted when I thought it wouldn't. It did. I watched hour after hour of the coverage with my jaw dropped, unsure of what to say. You don't say anything at a time like that I guess.

I need to go right now, I will likely edit this later.

Circling the bowl.

I thought that perhaps the depressive episode that I was experiencing had subsided a bit, but apparently I was wrong. Unfortunately, not only am I dealing with that right now, I am having a fibro flare (I have Fibromyalgia) and anxiety (I have Panic/Anxiety Disorder also) is kicking my A$$ as well. I don't know what the worst part is. The depression is really, really rough but the anxiety makes you want to be flying off the same bridge as the depression. I just need to make it through the next 3 weeks and then I can crumble...for a LITTLE bit. I will only have 2 weeks to spare for any nervous breakdown that my body/mind is thinking about having without my permission. The end of the semester is near...very near. I am thrilled, scared and sad all in the same thought. I have had a wonderful Anatomy lab this semester and I am not anxious for that to be over, but on the other hand I am really looking forward to the class being over. Don't get me wrong, I have really enjoyed it but I feel that we are severely limited in what we can learn without regular exposure to cadavers. I am fed up with the juvenile behavior exhibited by so many people that decide to crash the lab the week before a practical. We all spend a heck of a lot of time in there at those times, but is it REALLY necessary to break models and human bones for the sake of having fun? I think not. I had a couple of friends over today to study for a lecture exam that we have coming up on Thursday. I am seriously behind the ball on this one. Somehow, I need to pull it out by Thursday. I really don't have any doubt that it can be done, it is just a matter of if my mind will cooperate.

I have 2 doctor's appointments this week...or is it 3? Either way, I don't have time for anything outside of school until the semester is over. I know in my heart of hearts that I should also go to see my primary because another doc of mine is concerned about pancreatitis, but I DON'T HAVE TIME! It is 8:55 on Sunday night and while I could be studying, I am not. I am wallowing in self pity and self-disgust. I don't know why, but I know that whatever this is is not healthy.

Please God, help me hold up for 3 weeks.

Don Imus Fired.

I am not going to give my opinion (at least in this post) on the matter of Don Imus's comments regarding the Rutgers Women's Basketball team, suspension and eventual firing. But, I would like to know yours. Come on! Give me your opinion and what causes you to feel/think that way.


Oh... and on the school front.. I received a 100 on my most recent Biomedical Research paper. That makes a 95 and a 100. WOO HOO!

Thanks!

Falling...

Recent days have been very difficult for me. I can't get myself motivated .. for anything. Mere existence is a huge effort. I haven't dealt with depression like this in quite a while, but I appears my time has come again. Perhaps blogging about this is not exactly wise, but too many people have a sense of shame when it comes to depression and I think that is wrong. Unfortunately, I feel the same way. In fact, if I had given any indication as to who I am, I wouldn't be entering this post. Depression sucks. I was diagnosed with depression many years ago and it really didn't surprise anyone. There was enough stuff to deal with that depression was pretty quick to diagnose. I really don't like, nor appreciate when someone seemingly diminishes what another is enduring when it is depression. "The blues" or feeling "down" is something completely different. I have no desire to eat, to talk, you get the picture. I have had it beaten into me by my doctor that no matter what I MUST keep moving and so here I am typing. I would rather be sleeping or staring at the wall. Staring at the wall seems to fit right now.

What I am going through doesn't fit into my friends' schedule. You see, I am supposed to be in a good mood all the time and available at their beckon call. Last night, a friend of mine called and after seeing me obviously not doing well yesterday and despite the fact that I sounded 1. half asleep and 2. horribly out of it she proceeded to begin yapping and crying about how upset she was about some friend's dad dying. This is not a friend I have ever heard of before. In fact, she didn't even hear it from the friend or a friend of the friend. She heard the news from her own mother. But, that is beside the point. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO GIVE YOU RIGHT NOW! I AM HURTING HERE AND YOU APPARENTLY DON'T GIVE A RAT'S A$$ ENOUGH TO EVEN ASK WHAT IS WRONG. In all fairness, it is not like I would tell you..frankly, I wouldn't know what to say, but please don't call me when I have felt like I am hanging on the the Earth by my toenails and start in like I am in a completely solid frame of mind. I am hurting right now. I am hurting worse than I can express and apparently worse than you understand.

Completing this post has taken me several hours. I don't have anymore, but please be sympathetic if you can't be empathetic. This sucks. Good night.

The New Generation...

Over the course my education this time around, I have become acutely aware of the significant differences that exist in the students from 12 years ago to now. I am more aware of how much more students study, or maybe it was just the students that I hung out with just didn't seem to. Unfortunately, I have also been exposed to the stark entitlement issues that students now seem to have. If it isn't THEIR way, it is NO WAY. The good of the group does not compare to the good of themselves. I wish I could accurately describe this in detail, but I can't. For example, if something that a professor says (even if it IS the truth) makes you cry...that is for some reason inexcusable. What? Since when? That is life! If I hear one more girl say "he/she made me cry" or "they almost made me cry" I am going to scream. Apparently, in this new time, if you cry it increases the severity of the offense exponentially. I really do not understand this. Political correctness gone awry. I am not a big fan of political correctness. I never know what to call anyone or how to describe them. Once you figure it out it changes, not to mention it typically doesn't make any sense. I live in a very, very diverse city and my university is even more so. I enjoy diversity...usually. Except when it becomes something of a weapon. Where am I going with this? Gee, I wish I could explain that completely too. Here is the story:

Today, I had Chemistry. About 5 to 10 minutes after the class began, I noticed my instructor pause and look down the aisle and smile...quite noticeably. I know this instructor rather well and this was not a normal expression for her. Not that she doesn't smile - she does and often. But it was more like she was taken aback and then a smile emerged. I thought she was sharing an inside story with someone. Not really a joke, but a story. When I looked back, I saw a girl walking down the aisle of the lecture hall with her say, 2 year old son. They took a seat in the second row center. The kid was adorable to say the least. But, I couldn't understand why someone would walk in late with an obvious distraction and perch in the second row. When I walk into a lecture once the professor has begun speaking, I choose a seat in the back where I will not distract the rest of the class as I traipse to my normal seat. I have been in classes many times when parents were forced to bring their children for one reason or another. Sometimes I am sure it is inevitable. I admire them for the extra effort they go to to get an education. Usually the parents sit in a scarcely populated area of the room or the back and I have never encountered a significant difficulty with this. But, this woman (girl) chose neither. Most kids have been so well behaved you don't even know they are in the room. Unfortunately, this was not one of those times. The kid talked and talked and when he wasn't talking the mother inexplicably kept saying "Shh. Shh." The instructor stopped 3 times to shush the child in her most pleasant voice. The mother did nothing. I sit in the front row, center...right in from of the student with the child...I could not hear what the professor was saying. Literally, it was THAT loud. I kept thinking it would stop eventually but 20 minutes later they were still going strong. I thought about leaving. I also thought about asking her to move to the back so I could hear but like I said people have entitlement issues and unfortunately react poorly when these are threatened. Frankly, I didn't want to be beaten up. (I'm serious, this is a violent city.) Eventually, the woman (my friend and a non-trad post-bacc engineering student) sitting next
to me had had enough. I was looking down at my notebook when I felt her hand fly into the air. I decided it was best to keep my head down, which I did. She apologized to the mother but explained to the instructor that she simply could not hear (even from the front row) and felt that children did not belong in this or any lecture hall. (On many syllabi at my univ, children in the classroom are specifically prohibited.) The mother said she would leave. My row mate was not rude, quite polite by my standards actually. My head was still down. Call me a wimp, I don't want to start trouble...hey, I am trying to get into med school here. After the mother and her child had left the room everyone was roaring about how rude my friend had been and how mean it was to say that. I honestly don't believe anyone realized how loud it was (CONSTANTLY) where we were sitting. I defended my friend in front of the class, but it was obvious no one agreed. That student with her child could have made better choices...like sitting in the back. I still think it would have been an audible distraction but at least I would have been able to HEAR the instructor. I am assuming that the rest of the class didn't experience the volume of those 20 minutes because they were behind her. They were not in the complaining student's position, I was, yet they were judging her as if they were. Apparently, this episode has already spread around campus (oh geez). I know this because a friend who was not in class emailed me because she had heard from someone who is NOT in the class, but heard from someone who is. OH MY. I opened my email and found this email from a student in the class. I feel was wrong. Oh, and speaking of "public announcements"...she was heard by only those present...he sent this to EVERYONE enrolled.

Subject: Chemistry: A Healthy Rant...Please Read

TO THE LADY WHO CAUSED THE SINGLE MOTHER TO LEAVE CLASS TODAY:

Lady, I don't know what your name/problem is (nor do I care) but you need to
grow a spine and get over yourself.

(For those of you not privy to whom I am speaking, it is the "older woman,"
sitting in the front of the class, who made a public announcement causing the
single mother with her child to leave class today)

Now I am going to begin this rant....

Lady, you are not the center of the universe. Where as I do understand it
becomes more difficult to learn as age progresses and the child may have been a
faint distraction, what you did today was completely uncalled for. I do not
know if you have children of your own, or what your family status is, but you
did that mother a serious disservice today, and I don't know if you know it,
but you seriously embarrassed yourself as well.

Let me begin by putting this in context, here is a woman who is admirably
trying to get a college education while also taking care of a child. (XXX University) has
basically zero services for student parents, and in attempting to do what is
necessary to further her education, she must bring her child to class. As
such, you decided it was more important for you to hear uninterruptedly (rather
than just read up on chapters of the parts you weren't clear on) and
consequently make a public announcement about how much of a distraction the
child is, causing that single mother to leave.

Completely heartless, ridiculous, immature, and uncalled for...

Not only was the content of your statement completely absurd and uncalled for,
the manner in which you pursued this was entirely childish and basically
ridiculous. If you had so much of a problem, why could you not simply turn
around and approach this mother as an adult and speak to her as a human being
asking her to resolve the situation personally. Rather, you felt it necessary
to "tattle tale and tell teacher" that the child was making it impossible to
learn, via a public announcement. Now imagine how that poor mother felt,...
embarrassed... and who knows what other emotions, and deprived of the same
education which you so obviously also value.

I am ashamed to be your colleague as a student here at (XXX University).

And if I may, TO THE SINGLE MOTHER WHO BROUGHT HER SON TO CLASS TODAY... You are more than welcomed to bring your son to class any day, furthermore, I would
be more than willing to sit with him in the back of the class if necessary, if
that is what it takes for you to come to class and learn. And I am sorry that
some people (as old as they may be) are still not mature enough to treat
situations as adults and in appropriate manners

-(XXX Student)

So, I am interested on YOUR take on the matter. Children in the second row of the classroom...should the students being disrupted leave or should the parent leave? Maybe I am wrong. Let me know what you think.

Over and out,
Dr. Underdog

First Meeting...and other junk.

Today was the first meeting of our new organization, (XXX Univ) Students for Organ Donation. We had a small turn out, but I will take those few with their enthusiasm over a mob of "whatevers" any day. I am encouraged and excited by what we can accomplish with this group. We already have a work day scheduled...NEXT WEEK!

I got my grade from my Anatomy practical... an 80. I guess that isn't horrible considering I completely forgot about the ... the... see, I can't even remember it now!! Ugh. It is on the fourth ventricle...somewhere...and responsible for the production of CSF. Aggh! Why can't I remember it? Some sort of plexus....YES! THE CHOROID PLEXUS. Geez, that was painful. Anyhow, I wrote that it was the central aqueduct. I know, I know brilliant, but hey, it was a guess.

I am really fatigued this afternoon. Not sleepy, just fatigued. The weather is gorgeous, but I always have a bit of a time adjusting to the warmer temps.

A friend of mine, a pre-nursing student, had a major breakdown this morning. I am not convinced that she was not considering suicide, but seems to be doing much better now. It was really horrible. When I finally found out where she was, I practically busted down her door to find her crying in the kitchen. She cried for hours after that. There was so little I could do. She was upset about her grades and it never helps when I get a higher grade than she does on an Anatomy exam. Thankfully, on this exam, I didn't indicate how I thought I had done (frankly, because I didn't know) but she always gets upset when I say that I think I bombed it (which I legitimately think I have) and then end up with a higher grade than she does. She is convinced that it is some horrible thing I am doing to her. I am not trying to. I am answering a question. I scored 20 points higher than her on the lecture exam and 10 points higher on the practical. The sad part is that I think in many cases she is much more prepared for the test than am I. She really shouldn't be getting the grades she is..if you took into account the hours of prep she does. Either way, she had a major breakdown which was topped off by her finding out that she scored a 70. Thankfully (so sad that THIS is the good part) a friend of ours REALLY bombed it so she could concentrate on how much worse it could have been. Somehow, I got her to go to class and the meeting which, sadly, she managed to cry through intermittently. Those days are really rough. I hope she can soon begin to see the brightness ahead. Heck, we only have a month left!